Break to make whole
by finnhere2
Summary: RE-WRITE & COMBO of previous Fangs & Break. A Christmas of life and death. Nr 3 of "Anna-sequel"  the previous story rated M
1. Prologue:   Fangs of Cu Sith

_**PROLOGUE - FANGS OF CÙ SÌTH**_

"Could you tell me a story?"

He was drawn out of his half-slumber. This evening of late December was already dark, tv was quietly babbling about some insignificant celebrity, dancing flames in the fireplace made the wood snap every now and then, and the man noticed they both had let their readings fall down on their knees, and he had no idea what had been said on the last page of the latest summary.

"Letters are dancing in my eyes, I can't read anymore. Could you please tell me a story?"

The paleness and the red spots on cheeks were worrying, and he wondered whether fever was still trying to creep in. He would have to let the doctor know about it, although he guessed it would start a row where he wouldn't be able to take sides.

But a story? He wasn't any damned story-teller or nanny, for God's sake. Yet, there was a plea in that request, plea which reached deep into him, plea which had nothing with stories to do. "I... I don't think I know any stories."

"Really?" Was there a tiny glint of amusement in those dim eyes? "I've heard that you are very good in making up fables."

He couldn't help but chuckle. "Well... och, all right, just give me a moment." He got up from the sofa, took the offered novel back to its place on the bookshelf, went into the kitchen and made them two big mugs of hot chocolate. He switched off the ceiling light while returning to the living room, leaving only the standard lamp in the corner and the fire to give light.

He handed the other mug over, turned off the tv, then returned to sofa. They enjoyed their warm drinks in silence, and he tried to find inspiration. Finally he put his mug down on the low table, wiped both their lips carefully with serviettes, which earned him a mildly perplexed glance, then astonished himself by wrapping his arm around those bony shoulders, and felt the thin body timidly lean against his side. "All right then... This is something I heard from my grandfather..."

It was amazing how easily the tale of the quest of Fíonna, a Warrior Princess of the Aes Sídhe, started to unfold in his mind. At points where he merrily allowed her to go gate-crashing to the feast of Gargantua after beating the crap out of a few windmills on her way there, he heard soft, delighted laughter which was soon interrupted by pained feeble coughs. But when the Princess fought the attacking Cù Sìth, hound of the Otherworld, at the gates of her sovereign's castle, and fell to face the perils of Infinite darkness, his listener went quiet. He felt a light snuggle against his shoulder and neck, and without thinking he pulled the blanket better up for safety, and carefully started to guide the Princess back towards the land of the living. He heard a sigh when the wounded Princess set again her eyes on the castle of her King and on her fellow knights, but just as he was coming to the point where Fíonna would be taken to see her King, he looked down and noticed his audience had fallen asleep.

"Eh... hello?" He nudged a shoulder gently, only with the result that the snuggle, most embarrassingly, turned into a cuddle, and he saw a slight smile emerge on the drawn but now peaceful face. He allowed himself to enjoy that unexpected warmth for a moment while estimating weight and his own strength, and then cautiously altered his position, lifted a limp arm to go over his shoulder, slipped his own other arm under the hams, managed to lift, and staggering only a couple of times, took his frighteningly light burden into a bedroom.

He lowered his charge on the bed with utmost care. After switching on the dim night-light he took a huge teddybear he had originally bought to be one of his Christmas gifts to UCLH's children's ward, and tucked it gently under the sleeper's arm, wishing it would keep her terrible nightmares, her own Infinite darkness, away, until the doctor would arrive in an hour. Then he took the blanket and started to cover the pair better, but had to stop as his gaze was drawn to the figures of dressings slightly noticeable under the blouse, and to the bandage; and he sat down on the bedside, sighing deep.

He heard his front-door open and a few seconds later Bodie's steps found their way to the threshold. "Sorry I'm a little late, Sir," the blue eyes were apologetic, and the man spoke quietly. "We had to check out a tip to that Hendley-case before I could leave. Anyway, Ray came with me, once you get changed he takes you to Downing Street so you get there in half the usual time, and he promised to wait for you there until you're ready with the PM. Everything alright here, Sir?" George Cowley nodded, uncertain. "Oh, she's smiling..." Bodie was moved, and tiptoed closer.

"She asked me to tell her a story," Mr Cowley said abruptly, surprised by the pain that suddenly struck him. "She... she fell asleep under my arm..." he couldn't continue as emotion choked him, and he forced himself to pull the blanket all the way up, tenderly covering the body which had covered his, and had taken – no, _claimed_ - the bites of the bullets that had harrowed flesh, torn organs and crushed bone.

Bullets meant for him.

And only the Dark Knight ever knew of the tear of the King.

(_Cù Sìth = fairy dog said to haunt the Highlands, of Scottish Gaelic mythology, feared as a harbinger of death and among other things it would appear to bear away the soul of a person to the afterlife. Source: Wikipedia) _


	2. The 22nd

"Should I go and wake her up, Sir? I mean, the doc said he'll want to see her the first thing this morning and probably comes shortly..."

George Cowley, the feared and respected chief of _Criminal Intelligence 5_, shook his head. Bodie had seldom seen him so visibly tired. "Not yet, Bodie... there's something I need to speak about first." But all that followed was silence.

Agent William Bodie was baffled. There was something wrong, clearly... terribly wrong. For the first time during all his years in the service of CI5, he had a feeling his chief was _afraid_ to tell him something. Something must have happened during the night. His chief gestured towards the table where he had laid some breakfast. But Bodie didn't have lust to fill his stomach which felt cold.

"Sir?"

The older man walked to a window, turning his back on his sitting subordinate.

"I broke her last night, Bodie." He finally turned to face the wide-eyed younger man.

"You... _what_?"

There was a deep sigh. "I broke her. I'm so sorry, Bodie. I felt I had to... she was so close to the edge, so very close... I had to do that before she would take the last step..."

Bodie swallowed. "Edge... " He understood. He didn't want to, but he did.

"The thing is... I don't know how much I hurt her. Damaged her." The older man turned back to look out from the window.

Bodie looked down to his hands. "Considering the alternative..." The coldness had spread all through him. "So... we were right then." He felt sick.

"Aye... you were." Silence. "I had wished you were not."

Bodie nodded to the turned back. He had wished that too.

The old Scot was gently nudged back to present. He took the cup of coffee the younger man offered him. They both stood watching out to the bleak wintery patch of garden, gradually exposed to strengthening light. "What happened, Sir?" Seeing the face just as dim and bleak as the garden, the agent understood. "Just... just the bits that are relevant. That's enough."

"She fell asleep again sometime after you had left." Silence again. "And then I heard sounds... I peeked in, she was having nightmares, talking in her sleep... Mixing Spanish and English... I woke her up." Mr Cowley remembered his coffee and took a sip. "She... she didn't talk about it, the dream. Only told me she was all right and that I could go. I left her door ajar." Silence again. "She stayed quiet... but I could tell she wasn't sleeping. Not for hours." _And what kept you awake then?_ wondered Bodie.

"I went in finally. Started to chat her up. This and that, questions about the ranch, her brother, all sorts of things... told her about all kinds of incidents, of Scotland, you, Doyle... to make her relax. Och Bodie, you know the drill." Bodie knew it all right. He had used numerous versions of it himself, in- and outside the interrogation rooms, dozens of times, just like every fellow agent. But none in CI5 quite matched that old wolf standing beside him. And none hated interrogations as much as their chief, doing them only in direst need. "_Too many, Bodie, too deep. Curse of being too good. Beware of it, lad." _But never had Bodie seen such clear pain in the eyes of the inquisitor, as he saw now.

"She gave all the right answers, all the right comments, all the right reactions in all the right places... never faltering. Too easy, too calm, too flawless... too intelligent. It was clear she had made a decision. All too clear. She only wanted to get us distracted." Bodie could only nod. He had to put his cup down as he felt sudden nausea. "So I changed my tactics." That's what made CI5 Controller George Cowley so damn good. Ability to adapt. They both knew that. Another part of the curse.

"I started to... ask her about the hospitals. Small things first, innocent things. But they got her enough off balance. Caused her the first discomfort." Deep, deep sigh. "And I pushed on... until I reached Anita."

Bodie gasped, appalled. "Sir, you wouldn't..."

His chief turned suddenly and stared him straight into his eyes. "I had to, man. It is the key to everything. Don't you see it? With her daughter, she lost all she had to live for. The last bit. She was barely existing. Existing because she wasn't given a chance to get away." Seeing the still shocked face of Bodie, the older man grabbed his collar. "_Do you think that I wanted to do that? Do you think I enjoyed seeing her shatter into pieces in front of me?" _His face was twisted_. _

"Sir... please, Sir, I never thought that. I don't. I know you care about her." _But I never knew how much. Not until now. Christ, it's as if you had murdered your own daughter. _Bodie's palm was against his chief's chest, calming, placating.

"I'm sorry, Bodie..." the older man let go the grip. "I'm sorry, lad." He straightened Bodie's collar.

"It's ok, gov'nor. I know... I know it must have felt terrible." Bodie knew he himself would never have been able to do what his chief had done.

"Aye... " another deep sigh. "Aye. When she was shot... when she had realised she wouldn't stand a chance against Smythe, she had hoped to die. She said... she said that to wake up at the ITU was the worst disappointment ever in her life... And that all she wants is to be with her family..." He couldn't continue for a while. "She had decided to take a trip. For us, she would have left a message it would be some convalescent home. For hospital and her brother, some place else. But she said that you and Doyle had ruined it all." His voice was very quiet.

Bodie gave a long, shaky sigh. "Thank God for that. And thank God for that suspicious nurse who phoned when she heard Anna was signing out on her own..." _And thank God you gave in and allowed us to bring her to you, old man_.

Mr Cowley turned towards the table, laid down the cup that had been almost totally forgotten in his hand. "She cried finally... it felt like hours. Maybe even was. Until she fell silent and slept. She hasn't budged ever since."

Bodie watched his chief rub his eyes. "Have you slept, Sir?"

He was given a bleak smile. "Not much... but I manage. It wasn't the first sleepless night for me and certainly won't be the last either. I've got used to that over the years."

Doorbell rang. "That must be the doc. I get it, Sir." Bodie headed towards the door, then hesitated and halted. "Sir... thank you. For everything."

His chief scratched the yet unshaved cheek – unheard of, this time of morning. "Ach, you probably are the only one who feels like thanking. I certainly don't. But let good Stephen in now so I will get my scolding."

* * *

><p>"I would really appreciate if you didn't barge in like that when I'm shaving, Stephen" growled the Scot. "Almost cut my damned artery."<p>

The seasoned doctor didn't flinch from the bathroom door. "Would have served you right, George. Too bad I might have been quick enough to give you the first aid though. Listen: that woman should bloody hell be in a hospital!" It was fascinating, the way dr Stephen Hoskins managed to shout while keeping his voice down. But then again, he had decades of experience.

The other man sighed. "And you think I don't know that? I may have become slower with years but I'm not _that_ thick. Still she can't be kept there against her will for as long as she's considered lucid. Or do you say she isn't?"

The gray-haired doctor cursed. "She's bright enough. But I simply can't believe that anyone in her right mind would voluntarily sign out in that condition, unless she wants to..." he fell silent for a moment. "Good Lord, George."

The blade was moving again. "Exactly."

The medic let out a curse before he sighed. "But why is she here? I thought you'd left entertaining young women. Or is she one of your agents?"

Blade was still moving smoothly. Few and far between were the men who still were as skillful with razor blade. "She's a friend of mine and a very dear friend of two of my men. Bodie and Doyle heard she was signing out without medical consent, and as they guessed what it was about, they talked me into taking her under my eye for a while, until some sensible solution. She does seem to have some respect for me and I had taken some days off, which I hadn't granted the lads."

Stephen was quiet for a moment, watching his old friend, one of the very few people he still was ready to do favours for. "And she's the one who took the bullets for you?"

George sighed again. "Aye. So I didn't much feel being in position to decline. Even I do have some decency."

His friend grunted. "Doesn't that lady have a family to take care of her?"

Last stroke with the blade. Done. "She has lost everyone else but her brother who happens to reside in Mexico. Military." The Scot turned the water running.

"Oh bloody hell... But the fact is that she's not doing well. She should have stayed in the hospital for at least ten days more, or a fortnight. Just to be on the safe side. The extent of the damage..." The old medic was shaking his head.

"Anything drastic right now?"

The doctor was biting his lip. "No... not that way. I mean, nothing that has started acutely now. I took a couple of tubes for bloodwork though as I didn't get a word out of her without using forceps, and it was hard to get her awake to begin with. She's totally knackered, George, totally. Her heart-rate and blood pressure are still as bad as yesterday. I put her on antibiotics last night because of the slight fever you warned me of. I might not usually have done that but her general weakness is what frightens me. And... her eyes. I've seen those before..."

That made George to turn towards him. "Aye... I know you have." The two looked at each other, both thinking of the camp.

Finally the doctor nodded. "Well... considering the circumstances, maybe your boys did make the right decision in bringing her to you. But I don't like this, George. I do not like this at all."

The Controller was already using his towel. "None of us does, Stephen. And she the least."

Stephen sighed. "Well I noticed she must have tried to cry her heart out last night."

"Aye, she did. However, we have to take one day at the time." The old Scot clapped the shoulder of his old friend. "Now, join us for some breakfast or coffee. That gives you the chance to brief us about food you'd recommend to her, and the size of her portions. We need to do serious shopping anyway as I didn't know in time I'd have extra mouths to feed. And even if Anna doesn't have much appetite, Bodie more than compensates for that if he's around when there's food on the table."

* * *

><p>"Hello George, thought to drop by as I heard you're not in your office... Oh. Is this inconvenient time?" The Home Secretary's gaze got fixed somewhere over Controller's shoulder.<p>

The Scot sighed. Bloody hell, the last thing he needed was surprise visitors. He really would have to phone the caretaker and ask him to start heating the country-house. He'd better get Anna out of town as soon as possible. Maybe even tonight. "Come in, Minister, come in..." and he introduced the two to each other. Anna, who had been extremely quiet during the whole day, gave a faint smile and when the Controller led his visitor towards the study, she excused herself and went into her room.

Mr Cowley saw the other man's eyes burn with curiosity when the bedroom door closed. Hell, the man hardly stayed in his skin... "Now, George... I have to confess I'm intrigued... None of the files I've read suggest you'd have any female American relatives."

The Controller pushed the glass of whisky into the other man's hand in quite less than hearty manner. "She's not my _mistress_. That's what you wanted to know, wasn't it, Minister? Besides, her name is, unfortunately, in your files on me. You've been lazy reading lately if you haven't caught that."

The Minister was a bit startled, George Cowley maybe wasn't the most civil of the civil servants, but they usually got well along. "Now, George, you haven't got much added to your file since you returned to duty..." The click happened. "Oh, of course. Of _course_. My goodness. But shouldn't she be in the hospital still?"

It looked like old George would have wanted to pour himself a lot bigger drink than he did. "Yes, she should. But she signed herself out and my men thought she'd better be watched over by someone whom she might listen to, and they brought her to me. And that's exactly _all_ I'm going to discuss of that matter with you, Minister, if you don't mind." And the Minister knew this fair-haired elderly Scot, the leader of a smallish but efficient law-enforcement force, well enough to know, that his minding would have absolutely no effect whatsoever. So he swallowed his questions and turned to the issues he had come to see the Controller about.

After a while there was a knock on the study's door-frame and Anna peeked in. "Sorry to disturb you, Sir. I'd like to go and have some fresh air outside, if you don't mind?"

The Controller shook his head. "No, Anna. I won't let you go anywhere alone, not even for five minutes. You heard what the doctor said about your test results and blood-pressure. Wait for an hour or so, and I'll join you for a little walk." As if George wouldn't want to let the woman out his sight.

The minister saw disappointment flash on the woman's face. "Say, George, what if my man accompanies mrs Ashton? He's waiting outside and wouldn't mind stretching his limbs anyway..."

His suggestion was cut short. "What? You've got to be kidding!" the woman's eyes were... flaring. Yes. And she came closer. "I can't believe what I'm hearing, Sir! He would send his security to have a walk with a woman none of them knows and leave himself and _you_ without protection? Are all the English politicians tired of their lives or what? That was the _**stupidest**_ thing I've heard..." the Minister found himself pulling back against the back of his armchair.

Thank goodness the woman was interrupted. "Anna, _Anna_, now calm down. It's the Minister, my superior you're talking about."

The blonde snorted indignantly. "All the more reason to not be an _idiot_! How damn easy it would be to get rid of his man out there; and any gunman could simply walk to the door after a convenient time as you'd be waiting for me to come back! What an _unbelievably_..."

The Controller raised his hand. "_Anna!_ Now that is _enough_." For some reason, the crimson red Minister got impression his so called subordinate was actually fully enjoying himself. "Anna dear, I'm certain that the Minister wouldn't even dream about making such a suggestion if he wasn't confident he'd be totally safe when I'm around, and also if he wasn't sure that I wouldn't harbour under my roof anyone I didn't totally trust." That seemed to calm the woman a bit.

"You may have a point there, Sir, and I'm sorry. Really sorry. Minister, I apologize for my hasty reaction."

The Home Secretary was granted a nod. So. He was only a minister while George Cowley was _Sir_. Good Lord what a... Boudicca. "Oh, it's all right, Mrs Ashton. And as George said, I wouldn't have suggested anything of the sort if I didn't have every faith in him." Home Secretary made a mental note to not suggest anything of the sort ever again, anywhere. To anyone. Under any circumstances.

He saw the woman sway and that caught the Controller's eye also. "Now Anna, you go to kitchen and take a sandwich or two, and there's milk for hot chocolate ready. Make a big mug of that for yourself and eat, and that's an order. I won't even discuss outdoors before that."

Mrs Ashton clearly wanted to say something to resist but finally only nodded. "Aye, Sir." She vanished and closed the door behind her.

"I'm sorry, Minister. The young lady tends to be a wee bit... straightforward at times." Actually, he wasn't sorry. Not a bit. And Bodie and Doyle would have a field day when they heard about this, as against his principles he would tell them. But the inwardly smiling Controller kept his face in careful check. "You see, the incident with Smythe probably made her a little suspicious. And she's still not feeling well."

The Minister was not at all sure if he wanted to know how she was when she _was_ well. "That's understandable, I guess. Anyway, now I know why you and your men hold her in such high esteem. No woman that I know, would have thought the way she did."

The Scot nodded. "Aye, she is quite a special lady."

The Minister finished his drink. "Well, good for you that she is. Say, are you sure she's not your daughter? I mean, there are certain characteristics... like temper..."

* * *

><p>Ray Doyle emerged with a big box full of provisions right after the Minister had left. "You should get along with these for a couple of days at least. Couldn't help noticing, Sir, there wasn't any Christmas-stuff in the list Bodie gave me." The curly-haired agent's green eyes were questioning.<p>

Anna lifted her head from her book in the living room. "Christmas?" Her gaze was a little embarrassed.

"Yes, Christmas. You know, the fat white-bearded American bloke who comes in a big red coat and Ho Ho Hos like a nutter." Ray was checking the receipt and counting the change.

Anna was biting her lip. "What day is it now?" Ray was puzzled and Anna noticed that. "I didn't much care to follow the calendar..."

Ray understood. Probably dates had lost their meaning during the weeks in the hospital-bed. "The 22nd, two days to Christmas Eve."

Anna put her head into her hands. "Oh for heaven's sake... and I'm here ruining your holidays. Sir, please, let me go to some hotel." She lifted her head with a pleading look.

"Out of the question. And you're not ruining anything. Besides, you're technically under house arrest."

Anna frowned. "Not the best of your jokes, Mr Cowley."

The older man coughed. "I'm afraid it's no joke, Anna. You are under house arrest until further notice. Based on the possible threat against your security. You are to be under surveillance of CI5 at all times."

Anna was pale as Death itself. "You... you can't do this to me, Sir."

Ray felt sorry for her. "It's been done already, Anna. And we do have the authority, don't doubt that... besides it wasn't the chief's idea but mine. I'm sorry, love." Ray had decided that suicidal tendencies were literally a threat against ones security, and the other two had readily agreed on that. Luckily no detailed arguments had been needed as Anna's name was known already linked to the Smythe-incident.

Big tears ran down her cheeks but she angrily wiped them away and went into her bedroom. Mr Cowley looked at his agent. "Well, Doyle... it may take a while before she forgives you."

Ray's gaze was level. "It's for the best that she heard it anyway. A lot better than if she had tried to sneak out and got arrested. I wouldn't hesitate a second to sound the alarm, Sir. Not after what Bodie told me today. "

His superior nodded. "Aye... none of us would. I just wish there was something to grasp her interest, give her something else to think about than her own situation."

Ray gave the chief a look. "Christmas, Sir? You might ask her to help with decorations or something. She's sulking alright but she would agree if you asked. At least to try and distract you, if not for any other reason. And who knows, maybe she would actually even find a little joy."

His chief hemmed. "Not a bad idea, Doyle. I'm not that much into celebrations usually, but we could have a dinner together or something like that. I was going to take her to the country-house anyway, to avoid those damned pop-ins, either today or tomorrow. Just a moment..." He went to the phone and called the couple who took care of the house. And to his pleasure he learned that they had just been warming up the house to see if everything worked properly, so he informed them that he would come later in the evening. His next call was to Stephen, who ordered them to stop at his clinic on their way, for a quick check-up, and reminded Mr Cowley that Anna was supposed to have last of her stitches removed the next day. Also they should see through Anna's luggage that had been brought in, and maybe shop a little in case she needed clothes or whatever it is that a woman would need for a stay of a few days. Ach, so there would be a little bit of distraction for her.

The Scot didn't need to say anything to Doyle who had already been listening intently. "Just give me the phone number there, and I'll tell Bodie you'll be off today. We'll inform Jack if he phones. I'm back to HQ for at least a few hours more. Bloody Hendley..." In few minutes the agent was gone and his chief was preparing to move the base.

* * *

><p>Three hours later they had unpacked and were preparing dinner. Caretaker's wife had left them a still warm loaf of bread, and the scent was alluring. Anna looked totally exhausted, and had stayed mute almost all the time, so against his principles mr Cowley decided to take a short cut and take the soup tins he usually detested and only used if he was really busy. He asked Anna to take care of the soup and spice it any way she liked, while he would use the knife as Anna's right arm didn't yet work properly. Anna shrugged, and took a good long look in the fridge and a cupboard. They worked in relative silence, words were only used if one asked the other to pass on something from the cupboards.<p>

The caretaker had made a fire to the big old fireplace, and out of a whim the Scot turned off almost all the lights once he had set the table. He noticed now that switching off the first light visibly startled Anna. Had she got a fear of darkness? Mr Cowley quickly lighted a couple of candles. He enjoyed the sight of living fire, and that also seemed to help Anna settle down.

They started their meal in silence. Then Anna heard her companion chuckle softly. "Ach, I came to think what the Home Secretary would say if he saw us now. Candle-light dinner... You see, he first suspected you were my mistress, and then he seemed to be convinced you were my daughter, and now he again wouldn't be able to decide."

Anna lifted an eyebrow. "And what made him think I could be your daughter? He must have heard from my speech that I'm an American."

The Controller chuckled again. "Well, lass, he mentioned something about temper..." Anna's cheeks took colour and she covered her eyes for a moment. That broke the ice for a while, and mr Cowley managed to coax Anna to eat all he had placed in front of her, also all the sweet pepper he had sliced on her bread. And the chicken-soup was delicious alright, richer and fuller after being expertly handled by his companion.

* * *

><p>The Scot handed Anna a glass with a little sherry after he had cleared the table and Anna had sat by the fire. "Was allowed to give you a little night-cap."<p>

They rested watching the flames, both so very tired.

"Sir... could you please sleep with me tonight?"

The glass almost fell from his fingers. "My god... what on _earth_ do you mean?"

Anna was pale. "Only... only sleeping. I'm afraid of the..." she let her head down into her hands. "I'm sorry Mr Cowley, I'm sorry, please forget the whole thing. I understand... your position. I'm so sorry, Sir. I know you can't. Please forgive me..." and she fled, leaving the stunned Controller stare after her.

He sat there alone, hearing Anna go have her evening wash and retreat into her bedroom. He emptied his glass, but the sherry didn't clear his thoughts. He finally rose, and prepared for bed. But none of his evening routines eased his mind. Staring out of the window of his bedroom, his thoughts wandered. Into a painful night such a long long time ago... but he could still remember... _It's so dark, Sir. So cold. I never make it out. Never. It's so dark. - Don't worry lad, I won't let the darkness have you. I promise. You'll make it out. You will. _

Anna's eyes widened when he stepped into her bedroom in his pyjamas. And even more when he quietly settled down beside her. He stretched his arm and turned out the light. "No, Sir, please..."

He hushed her softly, feeling pain for this sudden fear.

"But it's so dark..."

Aye. He remembered the darkness. "Don't worry, lass." And those words, and the thin, shivering body next to his, took him again back those four decades. Back to the camp, back to the fear and fever and pain and hopelessness. But this time it was he who tenderly stroked hair and brow and chin, offering the little warmth and security and comfort he had to offer. And he told Anna a story he had never told a living soul; about the camp, the wound, the infection, about Stephen who had stubbornly fought against it with the petty means he had, the feverish fears, and _him_ who night after night had kept the darkness at bay.

And his soft voice, and his warmth gradually made Anna's tension melt away. "Sir... did he survive?"

He gently touched her collar bone and she allowed him to slide his arm under her neck. "Aye, he did." Her head was now resting on his shoulder. "Would you like to meet him?"

There was a hesitant silence.

"Could I really?"

He ceased stroking her hair and gave her a gentle cuddle. God how thin and scrawny she was. How exhausted. "Aye. If you want to. And if you're a good wee lass and close your eyes and sleep now."

He heard a sigh. Then timid: "You won't leave me?" As if there was a child speaking.

"No lass, I won't leave you tonight." _Och Bodie, what the hell have you done?_ The old man gave her cheek the last unhurried stroke. "Let go now, child..."

_I wept, _

_lost in the realm _

_of your embrace._

_And you found me._

_How soft is_

_the song of your touch_

_in silence._

_END OF CHAPTER 1_


	3. The 23rd

Bodie's timing was impeccable. His chief had just put the first slices of bread into toaster when there was a familiar knock on the door. "Ach, you... come in."

Mr Cowley couldn't help noticing how strained the dark-haired agent looked. "Any chance for a cup of coffee, Sir? That blasted Hendley got on the move late yesterday-evening and kept me awake the whole bloody night. Found myself ten miles from here so thought to come and have a peek on Anna now as that fuck... damned crook settled down and I got backup to keep an eye on him. Sir, we really _have_ _to_ get more people. It's starting to get quite desperate, you know. They say influenza is coming and if we lose 2-3 men even for a day or two, we're in deep shi... trouble."

The Controller gave his trusted agent a big mug for coffee and gestured towards the table. "Take the toast and help yourself. Aye, I know... But most of the applicants I've checked lately would prove more a liability than an asset."

Bodie gratefully dug into the breakfast-table. "What about the Minister's idea that we could start recruiting outside the usual box, and also have a look on the penpusher-lot? I've been thinking about that, Sir. There might be some talented ones there we know nothing about. At least they would already be security-checked. If we were able to use at least a few of them also on the field occasionally when need be, even for surveillance and such low-risk duties, it would help hell of a lot." Bodie gave a longing look to the pan where there was bacon, and his eyes brightened up by the nodded permission.

His chief sighed while walking to put new bacon on the pan. "We would need more trainers too. Macklin is brilliant with the likes of you, but you know what he's like with people he thinks clumsy, and especially women. And to start with them from scratches..." The Controller was shaking his head. "Either they would end up trying to kill each other, or then we would have a mass escape. I heard the other day that Jackson has already threatened to give her notice, although Macklin is really trying to be patient with her, and she does have some experience already in the Met. Likewise we would need people involved with the investigation-training. Anyway, I do know the situation and talked about it also with the Home Secretary yesterday when he visited me."

Bodie had already emptied his first mug of coffee and poured himself a new one. "Speaking of Macklin, he's been asking about Anna. Says there's something he wants to talk about with her, but refuses to tell me or Ray what it is. Any idea what that could be about, Sir?"

Mr Cowley was already preparing more coffee. He frowned. Another mystery, the comeraderie that had evolved between the feared combat- and arms-instructor and the lady, now so fragile. "I know they were up to something after Anna returned from Mexico after Anita's funeral. Their talks had something to do with that short trip Anna took just before Smythe... somebody was gossiping about Anna's visits to HQ and to the gym, and when I mentioned that to Macklin, he only said that he's got some idea but that he would talk about it later. But with all that happened, I simply haven't remembered the whole thing and Macklin hasn't mentioned it either. Anyway, I'll take Anna with me to the city today, she has an appointment at Stephen's clinic. They take the stitches away and Stephen also talked about X-rays, and should have more test-results. I thought I could do some Christmas-shopping and we might pop in at the HQ also, in case you and Doyle need wider authorizations for the next days, so that you'll be able to demand backup from uniforms if need be. You can tell that to Macklin if you go to HQ."

Bodie finished his second mug and swallowed the last bit of his toast. "How is she?" His voice was quiet.

"Go see for yourself. The downstairs bedroom. And you could help her with the heparin while you're at it."

To the Controller's surprise, Bodie emerged back in a minute, looking as if there was something bothering him. "What is it, lad? Has something happened there?"

Bodie watched him with a strange look in his eyes. "I don't know, Sir."

The older man frowned. "Well what is it?"

Bodie opened his mouth to say something, shut it again, and then coughed. "Probably nothing, Sir. But somehow I just got the impression she's not been sleeping quite all alone. Sir."

His chief calmly sat down and took a swallow from his cup. "Aye, I slept beside her. She asked me to. She has somehow got a fear of darkness. We talked, and she fell asleep, and before that she asked me to stay." His eyes met Bodie's without hesitation. "I remember you asked me once what I took you for. Do I _really_ have to ask you the same?"

After a moment he saw his subordinate's hard eyes soften. "No, Sir. But you're the only one... you'd better not grant anyone else that particular authorization. Anyway, I go wake her up now." And once again the Scot wondered about the extraordinary relationship his still shamelessly womanizing agent had with this particular female.

* * *

><p>"All right, Stephen, what's the verdict?"<p>

Dr Stephen Hoskins had pulled his old friend into his office. "Well... as it goes, the wounds have healed quite alright. Even the one where they had the drain tube. X-rays looked pretty much the same as the last ones I saw taken in the hospital. Not much change in bones naturally anyway, and her lungs look pretty much the same, although there I had hoped for some improvement. And her blood tests, the rest I've got the results of, would too make me say mrs Ashton should be in the hospital. She's anaemic, her kidneys are still not working quite normally, and so on. Our consultant endochrinologist got a pink fit when she saw the results and heard the woman is out... Also, your protegée's heart-rate and blood-pressure are just as bad as they were yesterday, even though she's been on her feet, which should have given a better result for at least blood-pressure. There are no heart-murmurs though. So, we took a set of new tests, although I know that some probably won't give a reliable result as she's hasn't fasted, but never mind, it's bloody hell a priority to make her eat. And as she told me she would ask you to allow her do some shopping for Christmas, something incomprehensible about owing you a teddybear, and as I know how women are when they get into shopping-mode, she's now in the drip for fueling her, to be on the safe side, and I also injected her with vitamins, folic acid and just about everything I came to think of. Nevertheless, I would be a hell of a lot happier if she was in hospital, although..." The doctor took away his glasses and rubbed his nose.

"Although what?"

The old friend put his glasses back on and gave the Controller a curious look. "What has happened overnight, George? She was dead 16 hours ago. Walking but dead. All right, still she's very ill. Very fragile, injured, damaged, able to collapse or give up any damned minute as far as I can tell. But something about her eyes makes me think she might, just might gain, or have, the interest to try to come out from her... you know, personal camp, whatever it is, and that will be essential for her physical recovery also. I'm no psychiatrist, yet I saw those eyes more than enough to tell the difference. But what caused it?"

The Controller took a breath and shrugged. "Can't tell... She has developed a fear of darkness and told me about it yesterday... so we talked before she fell asleep. Maybe that has something to do with it."

The doctor hemmed. "So she's afraid of darkness now. Does she sleep alone in her room?"

Mr Cowley remembered her solitary room in the hospital and shrugged again. "Usually, yes."

Stephen took his glasses off again and started to wipe the lenses with a hankie. "There's always an exception to "usually". So did she sleep alone last night?"

His friend raised a leery eyebrow but replied: "No, not last night. I stayed with her."

Dr Hoskins leaned back, content. "Ahh... And what did you talk about?"

Mr Cowley frowned. "None of your damn business, actually. But generally, we talked about fears, pains... war. The camp."

Mr Cowley saw his friend smile. "Well I say, hardly too common subjects to talk about in bed with a pretty woman of a younger generation." The elderly medic grew serious again. "Yet, hardly a too common situation either. I think most psychiatrists would get a fit if they knew about your topic. Still, it may well be that your instinct there was absolutely right. There's the fact that the young lady probably realised she is not completely alone. That there may be someone with some kind of an understanding on what she is going through. First hand understanding, not only something learned from books or lectures. And of course, the simple comfort of company should never be underestimated."

The Scot raised an eyebrow again. "And I was dead certain you would start picking on me."

His friend waved a hand at him. "I leave that to better moments. Besides, I know you well enough. You are a crooked bastard at times alright but you're not evil. And I know that you knew all too well what you were talking about. Didn't know though that your men are handy with needles, George. Mrs Ashton informed me in quite straightforward manner, that your agent was better in injecting her with heparin than I am with any substance. The day she claims I have a fetish or mania to needles, I know she'll be all right."

* * *

><p>Agent Susan Fischer stepped into the Controller's office. Three heads rose from the papers immediately. "Where's Anna?"<p>

The female agent, who had for once been given a thoroughly enjoyable assignment, grinned at Bodie's worried look. "Oh she was hijacked by Macklin the moment we got back in from Harrods. I told Macklin she's supposed to have something to eat right now, as you ordered, Sir. So I gather he took her to the cantine, also judging by the fact that Macklin complained something about you never taking proper care of her nutrition, Bodie. Oh and he said you'll find them at the range after that. Where can I put these, Sir?" She had three big bags with all sorts of packages and a huge teddybear under her arm.

"Just... leave them anywhere here."

Ray was stunned. "Range? Why the devil would Macklin take her there? Is he out of his mind?"

Susan swallowed what she wanted to say about Macklin's notorious mind in general. "Don't know. He just said that Anna's the only woman he's happy to see right now, and then they were going already. Anna looked just as baffled as you. And Bodie, keep your fingers off those parcels." Her stare was icy.

About an hour later the three men quietly sneaked in at the shooting range. They didn't see anything out of the ordinary at first and the noise made them quickly protect their ears. First tracks were used by Jax and a couple of other older agents training, but they soon noticed Macklin standing his arms crossed, watching the last two tracks. Alert as ever, the trainer picked up their arrival and gestured them to stay unnoticeable. And so they did, watching Anna with tiny gestures and touches correct the posture of a woman they recognized as Jackson, one of the latest recruits. After a series of ten shots, Anna checked the target, shook her head, exchanged a few words with the woman, and after a moment of consideration, picked up another gun from a table and loaded it for the woman, again gently correcting her aim and exchanging a few words with her, seemingly explaining something. A new series of shots, still a bit of shaking the head, new discussion, a new magazine, new aim, and Anna walking slowly round the woman, finally correcting her posture from behind. And after that round, less shaking of head, and more explaining.

They were able to read Jackson's lips. "Could you please show me yourself?" Anna hesitated and gestured at her shoulder, but then shrugged and took the gun from Jackson. They saw her try and take the aim, grimacing of pain and letting her arms fall. She said something to Jackson, and then gestured to Macklin, who instantly was by her side, listening to her. And to their amazement, they saw the rough trainer step on the right side of Anna, gently supporting her upper arm and elbow with his hand when she took aim again and fired a quick series of shots. After that Anna was grimacing again, shaking her head in pain, and Macklin quickly took the gun from her and asked something with a worried look on his face. Macklin! But only a moment after, they were watching the hits to the target, and Anna was showing and explaining something about her grip to the other woman, who after that took a new aim, and they continued with that gun. A couple of minutes later Macklin tapped Anna's arm and said something to her, and she shrugged and continued with the woman while Macklin briskly walked to Cowley, Bodie and Ray.

"She's a damn natural, I mean Anna." Macklin needed to almost shout to make himself heard over the echoing shots. "Now I'm finally starting to believe I get something out of Jackson. Anna was the first to realise the problem was the grip, and now Jackson is getting somewhere at the range. Bloody hell, using a Sig didn't cross my mind at all! Both Jackson and I were ready to quit..." Macklin was shaking his head. "I'm no good with these women, Mr Cowley. They can't take me and I can't take them if they are not ready. Can you give us 15 minutes more?" Without even waiting for any reply, he put his protectors back on and was off to the tracks again. Finally they saw how checking the target, the two women smiled at each other and Anna gave a thumbs-up. Even Macklin was nodding. Then he gestured towards the three men, grabbed the used targets and all three came to meet them.

They all moved to the sound-proof office. Macklin threw the pile of targets on the table. "First is on the top now. Take a look. Four guns used, starting with the regular Smith&Wesson she's used this far."

It was easy to see the progress from quite erratic first rounds to the last where the worst shot was an eight. "Happy with your session, Jackson?" Bodie gave the tall red-haired woman a merry smile.

"Why, yes, agent Bodie. Best this far." The look she threw at Macklin wasn't the friendliest. "The last gun felt best in my hand. I've never shot with that one before. Almost everyone used Wessons in my old squad."

Macklin nudged Anna. "You happy with her, Missie?"

Anna nodded. "She'll be an excellent shot with some more practise, now as she found the gun and the aim for herself. Next thing to find is a better fitting holster and harness. Agent Jackson, you need to get more strength to the muscles of your upper back and shoulders. That will also help you stabilize your aim. Oh and you also need to learn to relax your neck and shoulders. Macklin will help you in those things if you don't find a gym for workout." That didn't make the woman look too happy but she nodded anyway.

"How was your round then, Anna?" Ray was curious.

Anna shook her head. "Could only make one and even that with Mac's heavy support. Not perfect anyway."

Macklin threw at the table the one target he'd been holding in his hand. "Yeah, not perfect." Out of ten shots, five were niners and five tens. All three looked at the target in silence, remembering the agonized grimace.

"How's your shoulder now?" Mr Cowley detected pain in her eyes still.

"In the need of a pill, but it will be all right."

Bodie gestured towards the door. "You'd better have that pill right away."

Macklin agreed. "Take care, Missie. And I trust you men keep an eye on her, hm? She must not over-strain herself. I'd rec you take her to the rest-rooms for a while before she sets off, and see that she has a lie down. Looks like standing here was quite enough excercise for her today. Sorry 'bout that, Anna, but I really needed assistance. Sir, I'd like to have a word with you now as you're here. Your office in 15?" The Controller nodded and Macklin left with Jackson to collect their gear.

On their way back to the main building, Ray couldn't help commenting. "Listen Anna, you seemed to do fine with Jackson there. Have you taught shooting to many?"

Anna thought for a moment. "To no-one actually. Jack took care of his guys and most of them used rifles or subs anyway. And I haven't taught women anything. It feels... different. I just tried to remember what old Manuel and Grandpa did with me." She shrugged. "Anyway, I wish Jackson remembers what I told her, that will help her a lot with Macklin if it succeeds."

Bodie got curious. "What did you say then?"

Anna gave him a wry glance. "I told her that Mac's not that bad if she only tries and sets her brain into a very male, very tubular mode. And a very narrow tube of that." All three men were stunned mute for a moment before they started to chuckle.

* * *

><p>George Cowley could see Anna was feeling a little nervous when they were walking in the corridor. They had already visited the UCLH and left their gifts to the children's ward, and Anna had insisted they should visit an animal-shelter she had got familiar with, where she had left an envelope, the content of which had made the lady responsible for the shelter try to give her an embrace which pained Anna cut short. Also they had finished shopping, and the boot of the Granada harboured a turkey waiting for an oven, but as Anna was starting to look very exhausted again, the Scot had decided to go for the easy solutions otherwise. For once, his refridgerator would be overflowing as he had told Anna he'd invite Bodie and Doyle for a Christmas dinner. It might be fun, for a change, and the two had been working so hard lately that they deserved some small reward for it. The past months they'd been having more responsibility than before in their careers, but they had grown into it. As he had known they would. But the lack of field agents... that was a problem. A very serious one. He really should think carefully about Macklin's idea. But not right now.<p>

"Why so nervous, Anna?"

She gave mr Cowley an embarrassed glance. "I didn't know you had planned this for today. My hair is all dirty... I would have wanted to have a decent shower at least and get my hair done because I can't do it myself. I have to get it cut short."

_Ach, women._ Mr Cowley couldn't help smiling. He normally would be annoyed about the female whims, but this little sign of vanity felt so welcomed. "Never you mind, he's not that fussy."

Anna looked worried, taking a glimpse on the bag with parcels, the Scot was carrying. "Do you think he's going to like it?" She had asked it at least three times already.

"I'm positive, Anna. He loves art. Stop worrying. Here, the next turn to the right. He's usually there this time of afternoon when there's still light."

They entered a hall full of light with huge French doors opening to a wintery garden. A few elderly people were sitting here and there, but the Controller's direction was towards someone who was sitting in a wheelchair facing the garden, gray-haired head bowed down. "Colonel?"

The head jerked up and the wheelchair turned. "George!" The gray-haired man who seemingly was about 10 years older than Mr Cowley, tossed a pad of paper and pencil aside on a table. "Good to see you, good to see you lad!" They greeted each other in a subtle and hearty manner. Then the older man's gaze caught Anna, who had stayed behind. "Och my goodness. Such a weary-looking but sweet sight for me sore old eyes. I know you can be tiresome, George, but I didn't think you'd get a young lady so exhausted. Say, how on earth have you caught this bonnie lass?"

Anna stepped forward. "Oh, easily. He got me under arrest." There was something about this old man which appealed to her immediately.

"You devious man! Now I know why you wanted the force of your own. Arrests!" The old man chuckled. "Now, love, you sit down, no, take that chair, it's more comfortable I've been told. And George, you can bugger off for a while and get the lady and us some refreshments, I'll take good care of her in the meantime. We have a brand new cafeteria right behind the corner there but if you don't mind, I'd rather sit here. Och... by the way, we haven't been introduced, dear lady. Please forgive me my lack of manners, but I haven't had such young beautiful lady visitors for a while, only old ugly boring men like Morris here and I got _absolutely_ disoriented."

Mr Cowley gave a broad smile. "Anna, this gruff old toad is Colonel Malcolm Fairfax. Malcolm, please do behave and say hello to mrs Anna Ashton."

There was an immediate change in the attitude of the older man. "Mrs Ashton..." he took both her hands into his, and squeezed them gently. "George has told me about you. I do so wish you didn't mind my joking."

Anna smiled. The first real, warm smile in her eyes the Controller had seen for ages. "Not at all, Sir. I have managed to depress everybody around me so severely for such a long time, that it's only refreshing to inspire some jokes. So please do carry on, Colonel."

The older man chuckled again. "Aye, I'll do my very best! Now George, be a good lad and get us some tea and scones, eh?"

A couple of hours later the men noticed Anna had hard time trying to keep her eyes open. "George, I think it's time you take the lady home. We seem to bore her to death."

Anna straightened up. "Oh no, Sir, not at all. I've totally enjoyed myself. It's just that I'm... tired."

Malcolm had a tender look in his eyes. "Aye, lass, that's easy to see. I trust George and his boys have been taking good care of you?"

Anna sighed. "Yes Sir, they have. A lot better than I would have deserved."

The old man saw her eyes get brighter with tears. _And a lot better than you would have wanted, eh, lass?_ He felt a pang of compassion. "If you need to powder your nose before you leave, it's the second door to the left there on that corridor."

Anna gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you, Sir." She rose and left to the pointed direction.

The men were quiet until they saw her close the said door behind her. "Och bloody hell, George..."

The older Scot was shaking his head and the Controller sighed. "Aye, I know, Malcolm. She should be in the hospital still."

The officer rubbed his brow. "I don't want to even ask why she is out, as I know no quack would have let her voluntarily. Not in her condition. But you are keeping an eye on her, aren't you?"

The younger man heard the urgency and nodded. "We are. She's staying with me, and is under CI5's eyes practically at all times. And Stephen is monitoring her well-being daily."

Malcolm nodded, relieved. Then he thought for a while. "If you were someone else, George, I would say that it's a small wonder that she tolerates being anywhere near you or your lot, even if it wasn't voluntary. And if _she_ was someone else, I would really wonder why you bother. But I can see why you like her, even beside the natural gratitude. Besides, there is something about her that reminds me of you, old boy."

Anna returned in time to hear the last sentence. "Oh please, Sir, not you too!"

That made the Colonel give a curious look and the Controller laugh. "What's that about, George?" The old man soon was wiping tears of mirth from his face as his friend told him about the encounter with the Home Secretary. "Good lass! Well done! I've always thought he's an idiot! By Jove, George, are you _really_ sure she's not your daughter?"

They were taking their leave soon after. "Now, dearie, I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am that I got this opportunity to meet you."

The Colonel held Anna's hands again and got a fond kiss on his cheek. "Sir, the pleasure was all mine. Would you mind terribly if I popped in sometimes again?" She carefully hid the pain that was caused by her bow.

The old man was delighted. "Och love, you are welcomed any day, with or without that pest of a Glaswegian. And thank you once again for the book. It will be a pleasure to look at with a wee dram of George's malt."

The younger Scot raised his finger. "But only one glass a day, remember? Otherwise we'll be banned for ever. And your drawings turn into some damned ism nobody understands anything about." A smile lingered on Anna's lips still, when she fell asleep in her seat in the Granada.

* * *

><p>On his way to the stakeout Bodie had brought them a nice Christmas tree which had caught his eye in the city, and it was now settling in a spare room till tomorrow. The two men had managed between them to coax Anna to finish her plate at the dinner and eat some fruits for dessert. And after Bodie left, the stammering and embarrassed woman told her host that she would love to have a good long shower, now as the doctor had given her the permission, but would need help with her hair afterwards as she wasn't able to use her right arm well enough to brush it. That made the Scot wonder how extremely hard it seemed to be for her, to ask for help in any matter, or admit weakness of any kind, but he simply handed her a big towel and adviced her to run the water for at least one minute to settle it, before stepping under the shower.<p>

"How does it feel to be without the bandage and those stitches?"

Flushed and tired Anna in her bathrobe was leaning carefully against the back of an armchair, feeling the warmth of the fire, and feeling the brush move in her long moist hair with soothing strokes. "A bit more sore about the ribs, but they said it would probably be so for a while as the support is gone. Dr Hoskins did hesitate some with removing the bandages but he said I should be ok if there come no new blows. And it feels nice that the stitches don't tickle, or get stuck to clothes or need a dressing. Maybe I could even sleep on my back tonight."

She grew embarrassed again. "Sir, I'm really sorry, that I needed to ask you for this. The nurse gave a thorough brush before I left but I haven't been able to... or cared, really..." Anna felt the Scot's fingers separating strands of hair in her neck where the brush got stuck.

"Och, this isn't so different from grooming a horse's mane or tail, I used to be actually quite good at it as a lad." He hoped making light of it would wear out her futile and silly embarassment, and was delighted to hear a quiet chuckle.

"Well I've been called many names, but this is the first time I am a horse. In that case I wish I was a Shire or a Clydesdale, they are so enormously strong and big and yet so very beautiful." She started finally relax a bit.

"I'm sure that the lads and I like you best as the Arabian you are. Maybe not to pull beer barrels, but damn fast, smart, pretty and gutsy." The Scot noticed Anna squeeze her eyes shut. Och dammit. Without even thinking, he started to divide the hair with his fingers and the brush, and braid it. His fingers quickly remembered the old pattern and in a few minutes he got to tie the end of the braid with a band he found amongst Anna's combs and brushes. "There you are, that would certainly have secured a prize in the annual farmer's fair. Or not. But now, help yourself to music, lass. I think I have a shower too, if you don't mind." He patted gently Anna's better shoulder.

When he returned drying his head to a towel, he heard piano, and saw Anna standing in front of a window. "Well well, Sibelius... The Spruce?" He went into the kitchen and poured juice into glasses.

Anna turned her head a little. "I haven't listened to it for ages... not after my parents died. My mother loved Sibelius. She was born a Finn although her family moved to the States when she was four. But one thing she kept was the music. I couldn't... haven't been able to listen to it ever since..."

He moved to stand beside her and handed her the drink. "Why now?"

She took a long swallow and bowed her head. "I don't know. Maybe the braid, she used to wear them every now and then... Maybe because of everything..."

_Maybe because you hurt so much that you are numb, lass_.

The music changed. Anna emptied her glass. "Anna... can I ask you something?" She nodded. "Why did you do it? Why did you stay in the hospital that day?"

He saw Anna raise her eyebrows. "Hasn't Bodie told you?"

He shrugged, having read the report over and over again after questioning Bodie. "Aye, but I just would like to hear it from you. If you remember."

He gently led Anna sit on the sofa. She took a deep breath. "We heard you'd had an accident. The fall. I was with Bodie in the car when the alarm came, he had picked me up for lunch, and he turned back to drive to the hospital, as Ray was already at the scene of the accident. And I simply had a bad feeling about it. Maybe because I had been restless the whole morning. Everything suggested you had tripped and fallen but... I don't know. It didn't feel right and I had a row with Bodie about it." _She shouted at me like a she-devil, Sir. That you're old enough to have learned to watch your step and mind slippery places. I just couldn't get her out from there. So I thought what the hell, let her wait if it's so fu...bloody important to her. None of us was in our best moods, Sir. And I simply didn't have anyone to spare to stay at the hospital at that moment for more than an hour. _

"Aye, Bodie mentioned something about that."

"So I stayed. That's all."

Mr Cowley fetched the juice-jug and poured them more. "Would you mind telling me about the rest?"

It looked like she did mind, but after a while she reluctantly continued. "I thought I would wait until you'd wake up properly after they fixed your head. Bodie arranged me the permission. I took a seat in the corner to not bother the nurses who popped in every now and then at first. And also as it was a blind spot from corridor windows and from the door. And then the first man came, in a white jacket, he didn't notice me, didn't expect anyone as he probably knew the agents had left. He went to fiddle with your drips and when I asked what he was about, he turned to me and his hand went under his jacket." _Mark Brewster, ex-SAS with advanced medic training. Suspect for a kill during a bar-brawl in Hong Kong in '83 but released due to lack of evidence. Nobody dared to testify. Deep in debts, rumoured to be a hitman. Jesus, I should have given her my gun. That circles in my head over and over again. I should have bloody hell at least given her my fucking gun!_

"He was too slow. I managed to get him off balance and he hit the back of his hand and dropped his gun. We fought for a while but when he was down, I managed to hit his head hard enough to knock him out, and got on my feet to grab his gun. Then the door opened and that guy stepped in. I recognized him too quickly. That gave him the opportunity..." _He had to silence them both as Anna had seen him with you, Sir._

"He chose the wrong order, though, shooting the man first. I was too surprised to act really, but when he turned the gun I maybe managed to move a little, yet he had time to fire before I got to aim." _They say the first shot was from in front of her. It already scraped the top of her right lung but went through._

"I lost my grip of the gun, funny as it didn't hurt really, not yet. I was on my feet against the wall but knew I wouldn't have a chance. Only could stall him, managed to kick the instrument trolley at his feet. That shouldn't have startled him but it did." _He probably started to panic as he hadn't expected resistance. And he hadn't been on the field that much. Bloody viper._

"I was out of breath, couldn't shout. And didn't really much care anymore. Only... tried to do at least something for you." _He had panicked and fled after the alarm. The first nurse had seen a man running but couldn't give a good description. They found Brewster with a bullet-hole in his head. And Anna on your bed three more bullets to her back. You were practically intact, with that one small flesh-wound to your side from that other bullet that had gone through. She had managed to cover your upper body and head so that the bastard didn't get clean shots, he'd been too panicked to come close enough when the monitors started to scream as she had ripped some wires or whatever off. She had regained consciousness for a moment when they started to move her. Managed to scribble a few words. _Aye, he had stared at that bloodied piece of paper a dozen times. JAMES GARNER BETTY

"That's all there was to it."

Aye, for Anna maybe. She had opened her eyes for the first time five days later. But as sharp Betty had remembered there had been an occasion several weeks earlier when they had joked about a James Garner lookalike Anna had seen while visiting the HQ, and found the name in her desk calendar, hell had broken loose. Sighing, the Controller thought about the chaos that had followed when it had dawned to Bodie and Doyle that a MI5 -official was involved in attempt to murder the head of CI5. It had turned dirty... very dirty. Lads had caught Smythe quickly, but unless he himself hadn't been able to testify about his fall, when he woke up a few hours later, and about his suspicions on some of Smythe's actions, higher ranking Franks, of whom he had had no clue about before Smythe broke and started to talk, might have got a chance to flee or cover his tracks - and to arrange someone to get rid of Smythe.

The bastards would have had no chance to get at him or Anna in the hospital though, as desperate Bodie, in agreement with Murphy, both unable to be sure who to trust, and who already had needed to call in people from their day-offs, had pulled an unconventional card. Bodie had called Anna's old friend, the Mexican military attaché, who then with some of his men guarded over Anna while some of the most trustworthy agents watched over mr Cowley, until he was grudginly admitted out a few days later. The Minister – a few of those in fact - would have had a stroke, hearing about armed foreigners in the hospital, but luckily they had managed to keep their guns a secret.

Mr Cowley pulled his thoughts back to present day. He asked softly: "Why did you forbid visits for all that time?"

She looked even more weary. "Please, Sir... I don't want to talk about it." How appropriate, the Valse Triste in the background.

"You wanted us to take distance from you, am I right? So that we would start to feel a little hurt maybe, and wouldn't miss you, or ask about you? But would let go of you easier?"

She rose to her feet again and took her glass to kitchen. He followed, gentle but persistent. "I can't say that I would know how it feels to lose a child. After everything else you had lost already. But I can understand you wanted to let go. And to wake up having all those tubes... Och, lass, I can't blame you. I might have felt the same if I were you. But I can't blame the doctors either, for doing all they did for you. Or the lads, for doing what they did. And I certainly hope you some day can forgive us for this."

She refused to look at him. "I apologize, Sir."

He nudged her arm. "For saving my life?"

She shook her head. "Of course not. But that was mere luck. For... for all the trouble and problems I've caused. For being a... bother."

He grabbed her by her shoulder and turned her, taking her chin and forcing her to look at him. "How can you say that? How can you even _think_ that way?" But the misery and fright he saw in her eyes made his anger melt away just as quickly as it had surfaced. "You are no bother. Worry you are alright." He wrapped his arms around her. "Worry, because you are precious to us. We can't let you go anymore. And as there's nothing you can do about it, it's best you try to get used to the thought. I'm sorry, child. I'm sorry." He was.

It took a minute before he felt her responding to his embrace and he wondered how much room there was for tears in a human life.

_END OF CHAPTER 2_


	4. Christmas Eve

"Does she still have nightmares?" Bodie's second mug was on its way and he looked so tired after yet another sleepless night that mr Cowley was glad he had made more coffee already to begin with.

"Aye, she dreamt after she fell asleep in the armchair. She woke up herself, though, before I got to wake her, and calmed down to sleep in bed rather quickly. The rest of the night was peaceful as far as I can tell."

Bodie cracked his egg. "I can't even tell you how grateful I am that you take care of her like that, Sir."

That was not at all what his chief had expected to hear. But it really looked like the egg-shell was at the moment a cause of greater worry for the agent, than the fact Anna had again asked to have company for the night. "Och. Well... You're welcome. But I think she would have much preferred your company. I'm sorry the Hendley-case started to heat up right now."

Bodie shook his head. "I wish Hendley would finally act so that we could grab him, and I could have _one_ good night's sleep. That's all there is about him. But anyway Anna is a lot better off with you than she would be with me. She feels safer with you. More secure."

His chief finished squeezing the oranges and gave a little smile. "Well that's one thing about growing old. Younger women start to consider you harmless."

Bodie chuckled but soon grew serious again. "No, I meant that she feels safe like nothing harms her when you're around."

The Scot frowned. "Well I can't agree with you. I've hurt her myself and you know that. I told you about that first night, didn't I?"

Bodie swallowed a large piece of toast. "Hurt and harm are not the same. She..." Crumb of bread made him cough and it took a while before he was able to talk again as he barely was able to breathe, and he couldn't hear a thing from his own coughing.

"Geez, Bodie, didn't your Mom tell you to not be greedy?" Teddybear emerged to the chair next to him. "Felt like the whole house was shaking." A gentle hand brushed through his hair.

"This man has always been a glutton. Tries to eat, talk and drink simultaneously." The Scot handed Bodie a glass of water and hammered his back with his hand.

Finally the dark crimson agent got to breathing more normally and nodded to Anna who had sat opposite to her. "Morning, love. Sorry for waking you up." He wiped his eyes, emptied his glass and pointed at the teddy with his thumb. "Looks like you have finally learned to delegate, Sir. Warned you 'bout this authorization though."

His chief jokingly pursed his lips and sat down. "He's got the morning-shift, sorry, lad. Anna insisted he'd be taken along yesterday as I forgot him the day before."

Bodie frowned theatrically. "Dammit, Missie. Besides, where does that Missie come from?"

Anna shrugged. "Dunno, Macklin just started to call me that when I was in London the last time, after I made his lip split."

Forks of both men stopped midway. "You _what_?" echoed in unison.

Anna swallowed a piece of bread in all peace. "I hit his face and his lip split."

Bodie still stared at at the woman, stunned. The Controller coughed. "Would you mind filling us in about this?"

Anna watched them curiously over the rim of her glass of juice and then licked her upper lip dry before continuing with her breakfast. "I once came to have a few rounds at the range, as you had promised I could do. Macklin was there, and came to talk after he had dismissed his group. He asked if I had anything to do as he had some spare time before the next lot, could use a warm-up he said. So we played a little." She let her spoon down and frowned at the almost gaping men. "What? It was fun, I hadn't got a decent match for a while and he's a great fighter. The lip was a bit of an accident though. But I've been Missie to him ever since. Feels like a pet-name."

Both men gave out a deep breath and exchanged a long look. Bodie couldn't remember one combat-session ever during all his years in CI5, when he had got even close to causing Macklin any damage. And it looked like his superior's thoughts were wandering similar paths. "Finish your porridge, young lady." The old Scot shook his head for quite a while.

* * *

><p>The Controller sent Bodie to help brush Anna's hair while he himself tidied the kitchen. "Didn't know the old man is also a hair dresser. Made you nice waves to your hair."<p>

Anna seemed to smile. "Actually, he was braiding a horse's mane. Or tail. For a farmers' fair." That made Bodie laugh and he heard Anna join him.

"Good to hear you laugh, Anna." Bodie finished with brushing and tried to figure out the technique of making a pony-tail. "He has done good to you." Ah, it had to be that way... "So there." Anna stood up and went to look at a mirror.

"Thanks, Bodie." She quickly brushed her forelock with the fingers of her left hand. Bodie waited, sitting on her bed. "Mr Cowley has been very kind to me." Her voice was quiet.

"I'm happy you've allowed him... close." Also Bodie's voice was quiet.

Anna turned abruptly. "If you mean sleeping..." Bodie had already raised his hands.

"Hush now." He stood up and Anna found herself gently but intently held against his broad chest. "I mean plain and simple close. Sleeping and awake. He has led a... varied life. Seen a lot. Been through a lot. I'd like to think he also understands a lot. And I _know_ he cares hell of a lot. About you." He kissed her brow. "It's ok if you cuddle under his arm when you need to. It's perfectly all right, honestly." He stroked her chin. "I have to go now, briefing at the HQ. Besides, the doc should be here too shortly." Anna winced.

Bodie was at the door when Anna called him back. "I don't want any trouble for him. In his position..."

Bodie touched her cheek, understanding. "Don't worry." He heard voices. "Oi, sounds like the doc's here." Muttering Anna came along to meet Stephen.

"Say, George, how's your head? Headaches?" Stephen asked after greeting Bodie and his patient. "And no, I do the needling today, young lady, no matter how you pout."

Bodie couldn't help quipping about his chief. "The chief's head has definitely mellowed, doctor. Me and my partner were extremely worried the other week when he bellowed at us only twice."

Controller's eyes twinkled. "Must have been the week when you were in Manchester for five days and I only saw you on Saturday. Afternoon." Bodie grinned. "My head's been alright, Stephen. Besides I couldn't tell any difference when I have this walking headache for a subordinate, and his just as bad partner around. Get going Bodie, and once you're clear from the HQ, go to bed."

Bodie winked an eye. "An exceptionally pleasant order, Sir." And he left the chuckling group.

* * *

><p>"Now, young lady..." the old doctor hesitated, then went to shut the room's door. Anna looked at the IV-tube attached to her arm and waited. "I'd like a word. Confidential, if you so wish." Stephen watched the quiet, pale woman and sat beside her on the bed. "Until this morning, I wouldn't have hesitated a second to send you back into the hospital if I had got any legal excuse to do that against your will. Even now I would be happy to send you there, simply because of medical reasons. But it does look like something has changed. Am I right?" Anna frowned, not knowing what to say. "I saw the first hint yesterday in your... attitude, and your heart-rate this morning seems to have taken direction to what is more normal to you. Unless your heart was so exceptionally strong, you... well, to be honest, you would probably have been in intensive care the same evening you signed out. But anyway, also your blood-pressure has now risen a little. These fluids will help you to be better able to do something today to keep your mind occupied, if you have interest. Still you're far from being out of danger. Now there's one question I want an honest answer to, because it's Christmas, and because I've seen how much these men care about your stubborn bottom: Can I trust you to not do anything that would hurt them during these next few days?" The doctor's eyes, usually warm hazel, were hard as teak.<p>

There was a lengthy silence.

"Yes."

Anna was not happy. And seeing that, the seasoned doctor knew she meant what she said. "Good." His eyes got softer. "Would you instead accept something to take the worst edge away from your angst?"

Anna shrugged and sighed. "When will I see you again, doctor?"

It was the first time she had asked that and Stephen felt relief. He had been right, something indeed had changed. "When you want, dear. At the latest tomorrow-morning, if you still are able to take your medicines today without problems, but if you need me, you can call me anytime. Or, if you simply want to discuss something. We also have a house close here, moved in yesterday for the holidays so it's no trouble. I did take some supplies with me. " He wrote his number on the backside of his card and handed it over. "This is to our country-house. George has this naturally too, but in case you don't want to ask him for one reason or another." The doctor patted Anna's hand. "I'm in your full use, love." He straightened up. "And now it's off with the IV, so that George gets to take you to do your last shoppings in the village today. Besides there's a place which offers the disgusting black pudding those Scots love, that would actually be very good for your blood if it doesn't crawl back up your gullet, so you could take some of it here..."

* * *

><p>They had got the house tidied, tree decorated, candles placed, and the Scot had yielded to Anna's plea to have some lights out in the garden, so they had also spent a couple of hours in the village, hunting for the lights, as well as cables, of course, and suddenly also goodies, flowers, Christmasy textiles to tables and window-sills, Anna skillfully navigating around several suffering, yet secretly pleased <em>Och goodness, what next?<em> They also had lunch in time to see a performance of morris-dancers, which made Anna paralyse on her feet and resemble a 4-year old with her wide eyes and a bar of "home-made" fudge forgotten in her hand, in her brand new multi-coloured woolly cap and mittens – _I'll never get to hear the end of it, if you so much as sneeze tomorrow, lass_. Also they noticed an announcement of a Christmas carol concert in the evening, and Anna agreed they could come to listen and have their dinner after that. Returning to the house, they spent quite a while out in the garden, scratching their heads when the lights didn't work, and reading the instructions before they found the one loose bulb, and finally got the lights working. Inside, the decorations were in place in no time, and even the tough Controller had to admit the place started to look Christmasy indeed, and would be nice in the evening with all the lights.

Telephone rang. It was Doyle, asking if Anna could phone Gui, who had tried to reach her. Mr Cowley took a look at the clock, and at Anna, who had dozed off in the armchair after her snack. Instead of waking her up, he phoned himself to the number Doyle had given him.

For a second it looked like Anna would get a heart-attack when she recognized the big man entering the living-room one hour later. "_Dios mio..._" Mr Cowley quietly retreated to kitchen to prepare the tea and took his time with it. When he finally returned, Anna was still wiping her eyes and she excused herself for a moment.

"Thank you, Sir." The big Mexican officer took the offered cup. "I almost freaked out in the morning when the hospital told Anna is out, and I then couldn't reach her. Luckily I finally got in touch with Ray. Damned _muchacha_... but thank you so very much for taking care of her. Bodie and Ray, they have an assignment, _si_?"

The Controller nodded. "Aye, they are tied up. Unfortunately. It would have been a lot nicer for her to be with either one of them. Or with you, Colonel." Mr Cowley knew that this man had been a close friend to Anna and her brother for over a decade.

But to his surprise, the Scot saw the big man shake his head. "There I disagree, Sir. With me, even if I could have used my influence to get her under my wing, I would only, all the time, have been reminding her of Mexico and especially of Anita, and she doesn't need that now. In spite of everything, you Brits are not burdened with sorrows in Anna's mind. And I agree with Ray that you are the best company for her. Friend enough to care and be allowed close, but a professional, or a soldier enough to not take her every mood, too personally, and also to push her forward when need be. Besides, you have the natural authority to keep her discipline, Sir. We others are friends but have problem with those latter parts. Especially the last."

The Scot's smile was wry. "Aye, she does have a mind of her own. Day before yesterday she called a minister an idiot. On his face."

Returning Anna heard that. "Oh and _every_ time you mention it, I shall remind you that it had made him think I'm _**your**_ daughter, dear Sir."

The Controller waved his index-finger. "If you were my daughter, young lady, you wouldn't be even close as stubborn and cheeky as you are now."

Anna shrugged and took her glass of juice. "True, I would be _double_ that. Plus would have natural curls."

It took a while before guffawing Gui could talk. "You see now, Mister Cowley? We lesser mortals simply wouldn't stand a chance."

The Colonel took his leave half an hour later. "It was good to see you, _pequenita. _Oh, and there are some things for you, and for mr Cowley and Ray and Bodie in my car. From me, Esmeralda, and from your _villanos,_ as Miquel, Tonio, Esteban and Carlos insisted you should have a decent meal today to get your strength back, and they probably stole some of our staff dinner for tonight and dishes as well." That didn't seem to bother the attaché too much, judging by the grin on his face. "Would you please give me a hand, Sir?" and they soon reappeared carrying two big boxes.

Anna was happy she had done the shopping, and she handed Gui some presents. "By the way, Gui, have you gossiped to everyone about... what happened?"

Gui frowned. "No of course not, you know those boys were there..." he hesitated as Anna was turning into a question mark. "Didn't you know?" The officer's eyes turned to mr Cowley.

"Och, she banned us all from visiting, and maybe nobody has mentioned it to her. Anna, Colonel and some of the embassy's guards guarded you in the hospital for the first days. It's a long story, we can talk more about it later."

Anna swallowed, her voice was thick. "But surely that was... against the law or something?"

Gui sighed. "_Caramba_, unconventional maybe, but who cares? CI5 lacked men, I and the boys were willing to give a hand. Every man from Jack's old lots wanted along. Carlos fixed their days-off so nobody in the embassy knew really anything. And CI5 arranged the weaponry and the temporary licenses, _eh,_ sort of. Everything went fine." Gui exhanged a look with the Controller and they stayed quiet about the conflict with another MI5-man.

"And it was only for a couple of days, then things settled down, besides that made the men feel important. So no big deal... _Madre de Dios, pequena, no llora_..." big tears were rolling down Anna's face.

"Tell them... tell them all... _Soy agradecida, mucho agradecida, yo ruego por todos los amigos esta noche_." Gui grabbed her into a big bear hug which made Anna wince aloud. "Mind the _ribs!"_ She wiped her eyes once her friend let her loose, scolded him for general stupidity, and then told him to bow down, and kissed him. "Go now before Esme gives you a spanking, _estúpido_." Rarely had mr Cowley heard someone been called stupid in such a tender way. "And give her my love and my very best wishes. _Feliz Navidad, querido_."

Gui bent down again and kissed both Anna's cheeks. "_Feliz Navidad, hermana pequena_. And Merry Christmas to you too, Sir, and once again, thank you for everything." He shook the older man's hand and before disappering into his car, smartly saluted them both with a bow as they stood on the stairs.

The Scot put his hand gently on Anna's shoulder. "So, do you want to go to an actual church to pray for your friends and this extra big brother, or rather do it in private?"

It took a moment before still moist-eyed Anna realised the Scot had understood the Spanish. "All right... and what else I do not know about you, Sir, hmm?"

That made the man smile. "The less you know outside the essential, the happier you will be, lass. Now, I'd like you to inspect what criminally aquired delicacies there are inside those dishes and pots, and decide how we store them until dinner..."

* * *

><p>"<em>Dios te salve, Maria, reina y madre, dulzura, vida y esperanza nuestra..." <em>The Scot felt he was an intruder in something extremely private in the tiny Catholic chapel he had taken Anna in after the concert in the bigger Anglican church. He had stayed close to the door but the chapel was so small he still could hear Anna's whisper as they were at first alone. Then an old man came to bring candles and stayed listening until Anna finally tried to get on her feet again. Mr Cowley stood up, but the old man was closer and helped Anna on her feet and said something to her quietly.

"Thank you, Father, but I'm actually a Protestant. Your Spanish was very good."

Anna smiled and the old priest chuckled. "Oh my luck, when I for the first time in decades hear Plegaria in my church, said in beautiful Mexican Spanish, it's by a Protestant."

The Controller approached, annoyed by the thought Anna might have been disturbed by the curious priest. "Certainly that can't be a problem, Father O'Flanagan." His voice was sharp.

The priest turned. "Mr Cowley, is it? Oh this is a doubled pleasure, seeing you here." He extended his hand for a greeting and a bit grudgingly it was accepted. "When I was young, I spent five years in Mexico and Guatemala. Haven't heard the beautiful Plegaria ever since. Can I be bold and ask..."

Anna smiled "... why an American heretic uses it? I've spent in Mexico over 15 years and found that in certain times it is easier to find peace in talking to Our Lady first, and I learned to love the text."

The priest nodded, smiling. "I personally loved _The divine flower of the mountains_. And otherwise it's a very powerful simple text for a troubled soul", the old man's eyes were sharp and perceptive. "I would otherwise bid you welcome to the Mass at midnight, but I would say it's best if you are resting by that time, young lady. But please feel welcomed to enter any Mass while you are here, they are open to all. And if you would wish an intercession..." Anna looked embarrased, and the old priest understood. "Please forgive me, I didn't mean to intrude. But there are cards on that table if you start to feel like it."

Anna, on her way out, did stop by that table and wrote some names on the cards, which she dropped in a box reserved for them. And she didn't notice that her companion also wrote one name on a card he secretively dropped in.

* * *

><p>After their return, Anna instantly placed some <em>tamales<em> into a makeshift steamer and proclaimed it would be a perfect time for them both to have showers, and she took the first turn. When mr Cowley had finished his, Anna had already got everything getting heated on the stove and asked her host to set the table, and again brush her hair. Joking, he braided her hair again and soon they could sit down to enjoy their meal.

"Oh Sir, there was a letter from the men. Miquel and Tonio had made the beef _tamales_, Carlos the chicken _tamales_, and Esteban had mixed the _ponche con piquete_, the punch, as the embassy cooks come from south and _know nothing of good tamales or ponche_. _Chiles rellenos_ are courtesy of Gui's wife Esmeralda, and _menudo_ and it's garnishes are from the kitchen. I only warmed a couple of tamales for us as they had made plenty, can offer the rest tomorrow. We can start with _menudo_, the soup, and you flavor it with the garnishes, there's onion, salsa, oregano, chiles..." and the Controller got a crash course on Mexican Christmas and cuisine. It was a cozy, unhurried meal in the light of candles and fire, altough he noticed Anna grew more quiet towards the end of it.

They had finished their meal and cleared the table, deciding to concentrate on the punch, when the phone rang. It was Doyle, informing that the heat was on now, _Chrissake, Christmas night_, but anyway it looked like the bastard Hendley was finally on the move again and up to something big, and even personally. Available agents had been called in, and they might at last be able to take the devil down and nail him with something solid. _And hopefully we all get a Merry Christmas finally, Sir. _Aye, he certainly hoped that too.

The Scot realised that Anna had vanished, and his pulse had already quickened before he found her outside, sitting on the stairs, a blanket around her shoulders. Stepping out he noticed her wipe her eye. He sat beside her, in silence.

"She would have loved this, our Anita. The dancers, concert, candles, these lights. At home, it still would be time for _posada_, José and Maria would be somewhere in our neighbourhood with all the children and teens, and later the children would have their own celebration and goodies. At midnight I, or Jack's wife, would have taken her to the Mass as it's Noche Buena, or maybe this year she would have gone all by herself for the first time, and then we would have had a huge dinner together with Jack's family in the middle of the night." She didn't look at him. "She was 4 when we got her. Last year she started _liceo... _high school. When I spent here a week or two she was so proud to be the lady of the house , under the eye of the housekeeper though. But how she would have loved this..." There was nothing to say so the man stayed quiet.

"I had planned everything ready. Everything in my life, future, around her for the next few years, and then she would have been ready to do whatever she wished and I would have known where to go and what to do with my life." Long silence. "And now... now I don't even know when, or if ever, I get well enough to do anything that would mean something to me. If I ever become whole again." She swallowed. "And I just miss her so terribly... miss them all..." With a huge effort she managed to gain control of her breathing. "Sir... I know I shouldn't be here. I know I'm a problem. I know you really should not have taken me, I understand your position, and I know all about gossip-mongers and ill will and plots and schemes... I know I should leave tomorrow, and go... some place...", the man waited, sensing the importance of this moment, "... but could I please stay with you for a day or two more?" She finally dared to look at him.

The Scot tried to choose his words carefully. "I hadn't meant to let you out of my sight just yet anyway. Besides, if at this age I'm not seasoned enough to handle bloody gossips, I'd better retire. But the punch is probably boiling and my bottom is freezing... Let's go in, lass, eh?" She tried to reply to his smile and he helped her on her feet. "I'm happy that you asked though." He pushed an escaped strand of hair behind her ear. _Have you decided to give life a chance, little one?_ "Very happy indeed."

And although her lips and cheek were ice-cold against his cheek, they and the whisper in his ear _Merry Christmas, Sir_ made him feel warm and even happier. "Merry Christmas to you too, dear child."

* * *

><p>"I know this is not really the right time to talk about future... but have you given any thought to it, will you retun to Mexico?"<p>

Mildly alcoholic punch had made Anna warm up a little. She seemed reluctant to reply, but as her companion on the sofa again gently moved that obstinate strand of hair, she finally sighed. "I must settle down somewhere and stop bouncing around. I guess I have to go back." Mr Cowley's heart sank and he quietly poured more punch in her mug. "I have to... sort out things. Take care of the people who worked for us, that they would end up on their feet, once I have sold the house."

His heart jumped. _Careful now, old boy, careful... "_Aye, naturally. Are you leaving Mexico then?"

She was quiet for a while. "Yeah. I do have friends there but still, there's too much..." she shook her head.

The Scot nudged her playfully. "But lass, think of _all_ the smart, handsome and enthusiastic officers who would be queuing behind your door in hope of your favour..."

She snorted and grimaced. "Good grief, one more reason to escape. I already have been forced to cool off a couple of those." The Controller smiled inwardly, having been sure that a widow of a general would be considered a good catch, especially as the late husband still had some friends in high places.

"States?"

Anna shrugged. "Probably. At least I could try to work there. If I get well enough. Could refresh my physio-studies. Could stay at the ranch, too, although there's no sense in me meddling with running it, they manage perfectly well. But I guess it's pretty much the only sensible solution anyway."

He rose to turn the LP of Bach's Christmas Oratorio, and wondered whether he was trying to do something genuinely good, or simply was being the greatest bastard ever born north from Hadrian's Wall. "Do you still have friends there?"

She let her mug down. "I was away too much and too long for that. But somebody turns up eventually. Like it happened here." She huddled under her blanket.

"Still cold?" He sat right beside her.

"No, not really, just..."

He pulled her gently against his side. "You're cold", he decided. After a while she snuggled under his arm and relaxed. "With all due respect, lass, your choice of friends here is just a little bit odd. Most women of your position or class wouldn't want to let people like the lads, or even me, anywhere near them, but would find them – _us_ – dangerous and generally despicable. And even fewer women would make such _men_ want to be friends with them. To be honest, I have never, in any circumstances, seen Macklin as friendly with a woman, as I saw him yesterday with you." He hoped Anna wouldn't catch his faster heartbeat.

"Actually, Sir, I suppose I am the oddest of the whole lot. But you men have pretty much taken me as I am. You have taken me as a whole person, not only as some weird rich bitch, you have not judged me. Or... degraded me. And you all _are_ good men, you are fitting in your branch of duty. I know you are... uncommon, unconventional, hard, but you need to be that to cope in your work."

Mr Cowley stroked gently Anna's upper arm. "Wouldn't you miss them - us - if you leave?"

He felt her unconsciously snuggle even closer. "Terribly."

He took a deep breath. "Why leave then?"

She was shaking her head. "I would need a permission to stay, and as far as I understand, I have no valid reason why I should be granted that. I can't work anywhere, not in this condition, and nobody would take me anyway without credentials or formal qualifications. Even if I knew what I'd want to do. And I just couldn't be idle. I couldn't..." There was pain in her voice.

The Controller's heart picked up even more speed. "Anna... could you consider working with Macklin? For CI5?"  
>She turned and stared at him, stunned. "<em>What?<em>"

He took her hands into his. "Please, listen to me. Only listen, I do not expect any decisions from you in days or even weeks. I just wish you would give it a little bit of consideration at some point, when you are well enough to feel up to it. And I give you my word that I will _not_ press you, and will not allow _anyone_ else to press you to say yes."

Still perplexed, and clearly uncertain, the young woman studied his face, but the old man was ready to meet her gaze. "I guess I can listen", she finally agreed.

Mr Cowley took a deep breath and thought carefully. "Anna, there is a sad and most inconvenient fact that we have lost several field agents the past few months. Some to injuries, some because they have otherwise lost their ability to work at the field. Some have simply decided to quit. And the applicants lately... well, of quality we do not have use for, or in background-checks, proven risky. That has lead to the situation where we have needed to priorise heavily the cases we take, and still the men have needed to stretch. There is no quick solution, we know that, but some hope of better would make it easier to cope." Still, Anna looked questioning and embarrassed.

"Now, Bodie suggested the other day, that we might try and find reserve inside the house, at least for surveillance, stakeouts and such tasks with lower risks. But even those people need to have some skills and good enough physical condition in case something unexpected happens. And yesterday Macklin, who is aware of the situation regarding the manpower we have, and who is very well aware of his own... ach, social limitations, kindly put, and of his lack of patience, he actually asked me to talk with you, because he is convinced you would be suitable to work with those persons who find it too difficult to deal with him and his demands." Now, Anna was frowning.

"I might not have asked this, unless you said you would need to do something with meaning. And unless I saw what you did with Jackson." The Controller squeezed gently the hands he still was holding. "If it was someone else than Macklin, I also would have hesitated. But he himself was seriously wounded years ago, with multiple injuries, so he has an understanding of that part. He could help you with his experience and I have the feeling he also is willing to do that. And Macklin said that with your knowledge and background in physiotherapy, he would be able to create new training-programs for those who need special attention, like women, or people with less active backgrounds, or recovering agents."

The Scot took a little sip from his mug. "Macklin told me you were tested before the shooting."

Anna nodded. "Yes, he asked me after we had that match I talked about, if I was interested to take some hard physical test in case he would get me a permission to participate as an extra. He wanted to know how a fit woman could do there. I said it was ok, had never been tested in any way. It took place after Anita's death, and Macklin did say that it was ok if I wanted to call it off, but I was so... frustrated, messed up, I thought it could distract me or allow me let steam out for a while, so I went there. The others were Army men, I suppose. I was the only woman."

Mr Cowley smiled. "Aye, it was a military test, and actually a close equivalent of the Personal Fitness and Combat Fitness Tests of the SAS. I have no idea how Macklin got you there."

Anna frowned. "Did that cause some problem?"

The Scot's smile was even broader. "I do not yet know the full results, but it looks like you _would_ have passed those first stages if you were in military. And Macklin said that he would want to use your results as ground to a training-program for women, and your unquestionable talent as a teacher at the range."

The Controller grew serious again. "Even if you only could help him make Jackson a better shot, that already might help save lives. So even if you say no to the rest, would you please spend some more time with Jackson before you leave? She is the only one we can hope to get to the field in near future, and she has already been close to giving her notice as she doesn't get along with Macklin." When Anna nodded hesitantly, the Scot bitterly hated himself and his talents, as he knew he would at some point suggest someone else too, and it would be easier after this.

"I guess I manage an hour at time, if it really makes some difference. I didn't know she had it that difficult with Mac." She sighed. "As for the rest..."

She was hushed to be silent. "Let's forget the rest for now, dearie, for goodness' sake, it's Christmas! I was a bastard to take the whole issue up to begin with. I apologize. But whatever you decide about working for CI5, I will gladly help you to stay in England if you only want to, as none of us wants to see you leave." _And I know a dark-haired ex SAS whose heart would break if you left for good, lass._

The Scot reached for the still warm jug. "Now, lass, the last wee dram of this quite extraordinary fruity beverage. You forget every tedious thing I just talked about, and we listen to auld Bach, and after a while you are a good wee lass and go to wash and bed. You need your sleep, I stay up for a while longer for a report in case the lads have something to tell."

* * *

><p>Anna didn't wake up to the short ring of the phone, but she later woke up to the murmur of voices, and pricked her ears.<p>

"How many?" Controller's voice was tired.

"One uniform. None of us." It was Ray, clearly exhausted.

"Others injured besides Bodie?"

She struggled out from her bed as quickly as she only managed, and rushed to the living-room, startling the three men there. "Bodie?" It took a moment before she realised the dark-haired man was tediously getting on his feet from the settee. "Are you wounded?"

Anna reached the agent and he gave the shaking woman a hug. "Did we wake you up? So sorry. No, nothing heroic, I just twisted my bloody ankle going down a staircase in bad light."

Ray chuckled. "One quick descend, I can tell you. He got cold compression as soon as the brawl was over so don't worry. And I take him to be checked once we leave from here, so you can breathe out, Anna."

Bodie sat down again and Anna saw the bandaged ankle. "Thank God..." Her legs felt weak and she sat down too. "Anyone else I know, who's been hurt?" Her gaze was demanding.

The two agents looked at each other before they yielded. "Murph got a blow to his head but will be ok in a few days, he's got a thick skull. No-one else." Hearing Ray, she sighed of relief and relaxed to listen to the rest of their report and nobody thought to send her away.  
>When the men stood up to leave, something caught Anna's eye. "Wait a second, Ray." Her voice was sharp. "What's that in your neck?"<p>

Ray threw a quick glance at Bodie whom he was helping up. "Just a scrape, nothing to worry about."

She frowned and took a closer look at the marking. "Raymond Doyle, I would like to give you a lashing for trying to lie and being so lousy in it, if some _bullet_ hadn't done that first. How did that happen? And you can cut the crap, I've seen those before."

Blushing Ray shrugged. "Dunno, it all happened so fast."

Bodie's eyes were angry. "Stupid berk walked straight on that guy and woke up only when Susan yelled."

Ray's eyes flashed too. "Oh yeah, says he who saw the step only after he had missed it."

**"**_**CUT IT OUT, BOTH OF YOU!" **_Everyone turned to stare at Anna who was pale and shaking. After a moment she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, muttered good night, turned and walked dignified back into her bedroom, slamming the door after her, leaving behind a stunned trio.

The Controller found her there, staring out into darkness from the window. He approached her cautiously. "Are you all right?" She nodded. "Anna, do not worry over the lads. These were only mishaps." He touched her shoulder.

"I know. Caused by carelessness. Tiredness." Anna was shivering.

"Under covers now, young lady." She didn't budge and the old man sighed, exasperated. "What is it, lass?"

She turned towards him but couldn't meet his gaze. "I'm sorry I yelled."

The strand of hair was helpful and required two strokes to stay put. "Och, a kiss under the mistletoe when they come to dinner, and everything will be all right for them again." But for once his joke missed.

"I was frightened when I realised how close it was for Ray... He is almost like a brother for me. Even just as damn annoying at times." The sound was something between a chuckle and a sob. "You have become like a family to me." All of a sudden George Cowley felt two arms around him. And all he could do was to hold her until he felt her tension subside.

* * *

><p>"<em>RAY!<em>" Sharp pain in her side made Anna yelp and wake up, she was sitting in her bed.

Her voice and the sudden move woke up also her companion from the other side of the bed and he turned on the light. "My God, what happened?" Anna was gasping for air and holding her side, pained gurn on her wet face. "Lean on me, lie down, lass, lie down on your other side..." her pillow was removed, "that's it, that's it now, try to calm down and breathe, relax your muscles, breathe, that's my girl..." His hand was stroking her shoulder and back, and once he noticed the cramp got easier, his fingers started to probe carefully Anna's side. It was frighteningly easy to follow the ribs even through the nightgown. "Where does it hurt? Lower? Here? Hush, try to relax, just tell me if the press hurts..." Soon Mr Cowley was confident the ribs were not damaged again, gave Anna a pill, and he fetched ice inside a thin towel and placed it on the hurting area.

"Now, what happened? Nightmare?" He pulled the covers on Anna.

"Yes. New. About Ray. I had sat up. Woke up to pain, up already."

The man stroked her arm. "Hopefully you didn't pull a muscle. Any better now?" Anna looked as if she was breathing easier.

"Yes, thank you Sir. Sorry I woke you up."

They were quiet for minutes, until Anna said the ice was melting through the towel, and it was taken away.

When the Scot returned, Anna looked at him. "I'm really sorry about this, Sir. I wish I'd get rid of dreams. They often make me afraid to fall asleep." She looked mortified, ashamed. "I've become a miserable little baby..."

He turned off the light. "You could talk with Stephen, or even with our Dr Ross, if you want to, lass." The Controller touched Anna's shoulder and she gratefully accepted the offered embrace.

"Maybe I could... but Sir, I want to talk with Macklin. I need to."

He sighed deep and gave her a cuddle. "Try to sleep now some, pet. We have a turkey to tame." And even when falling asleep, Anna wondered if there was smile in the Controller's whisper.

But she was warm and safe.

_END OF CHAPTER 3_


	5. Christmas Day

Anna's side was still tender in the morning, but the doctor agreed there seemed to be no damage to the ribs, and the worried Scot sighed of relief. So for the rest of the day they could concentrate on the turkey, which needed regular care while nesting in the oven, and to the rest of the treasures for the table. And to Anna's utter delight, after midday there was a knock on the door, and carrying a couple of boxes in walked restaurant-owner Joe and his daughter, from whom George had asked a bit of help to the dinner table. Joe's wife Gertie hadn't forgotten Ray either, and the scent of different pies tickled everybody's noses.

"Now get off and go home to take care of your own, Joe. And here's a wee something for you..." with a wink of an eye the Scot handed his friend a gift box, and a peek in it made a broad smile spread on Joe's face.

"My goodness, I haven't been able to get this anywhere! Does it taste as good as in old days?"

A warning finger was raised. "The drink is just as good but you are not, so you'd better be careful!" Anna and Joe's daughter were shaking their heads most disapprovingly at the laughing old men and that only added to their mirth.

Ray and Bodie came early, and despite their smart clothing, they didn't look much perkier than the night before, although both claimed they had caught a few hours' sleep after the preliminary interrogations. Bodie limped but was able to put some weight on the foot, and Ray seemed to have hard time keeping his eyes open. They were still most exhilariated when their chief finally told them about the visit of the Home Secretary, which Anna avenged by adding the comments from Gui's visit the day before.

Then Bodie remembered. "We took the liberty to bring your mail from the HQ, Sir. The ones that looked personal." He handed over a pile of envelopes from his briefcase.

Anna went to give the turkey the last anointment, as she said, while their host poured both his men drinks and took a quick glimpse on the letters. Most of them he dismissed instantly but looked at one with interest. "From Aberdeen... Duncan Lennox!" He quickly opened the envelope, and both Ray and Bodie leaned forward to listen.

"_Dear Sir, it looks like I never get the chance to phone you within working hours, so I thought to write a note to wish you a Merry Christmas_. Och bother! But let's see... _Please give my regards to agents Bodie and Doyle, the bottle of Cutty Shark gave me again very vivid memories. _So_,_ looks like he hasn't been as hung over as after that first one_. Also Gramps sends his best regards to agents and thanks them for the fine sherry. We get to share it as he stays with me over the holidays... _Hmh. What else? Och! Listen to this, lads! _I have been thinking I might sometimes try to get some more experience about other cities than Aberdeen. I don't know if you would have any use for me, being a kind of Special force and me only a usual copper, but if you sometime have any sort of apprentice-vacancy, no matter how temporary, open for application, I would be most happy to know." _

"Well, lads? Do we have an apprentice-vacancy open for application to young Lennox? Doyle?" The Controller took away his glasses.

"Oh hell, yes! Besides he can carry Bodie if the idiot again bloody forgets how stairs work." Ray grinned, clearly pleased.

"Bodie?" The agent was pulling faces at Ray.

"Is there a phone-number we can call immediately, or should we wait until the 27th? I'd take that laddie next week if he only gets here that fast."

Anna was amused. "Who's such a superman?"

The men exchanged glances and smiled. "A young copper, PC, from Aberdeen Police. We met him a couple of years ago. Young, quite sharp, very pleasant. Except that he's got some same irritating manners as Bodie." Mr Cowley's eyes were twinkling.

Bodie finished his drink and continued. "He's so damn ordinary that it's really extraordinary. Hell of an inquisitor, he simply chats up everybody and digs things out of you that you'd never even imagined telling."

Ray chuckled. "Yeah, dunno how he does it, he just makes people melt. He's fun. Oh and strong, although he doesn't look bulky or anything."

Anna was pleased. "Good to hear you get someone who would be really an asset then!"

Mr Cowley sighed. "He probably has two month's notice, and in any case he'll need time to arrange things with his apartment and so on. And he'll need training still. But, this was really good news anyway. And now, lads, you finish your drinks and stretch your legs while we set the table." The two men never considered disobeying that order.

When the table and dinner were ready 10 minutes later, both men were sound asleep in their chairs. Mr Cowley was shaking his head. "All right... let's give them 10 minutes more. They will be brighter after that."

Anna agreed. "Maybe we should take the weaker wine anyway, Sir? If they need to return to city today, one of them has to be in decent driving-condition. God how tired they are... If you get Jackson and this Aberdeen-man, how many agents you still are lacking?"

The Controller sighed. "We would still be 7 behind our previous strength. And even then we were hoping to get 4-5 more."

Anna was chewing on her lip, watching her sleeping friends. "To cover even the less dangerous jobs on the field, how many would you need?"

Mr Cowley saw Anna's hand was shaking when she pushed another lock behind her ear, and suddenly realised the woman was dreadfully pale. Shite, they had forgotten a scheduled snack, fiddling with the bigger meal. He quickly steered her to sit at the table, took her apron away and made her very sweet juice for first aid. "Och Anna, you are not in condition to even start thinking about it." He felt genuine remorse and was angry at himself, didn't know whether it was more because of allowing himself that remorse, or because he had talked about the idea earlier.

"Don't you want me to stay and work for CI5 then?" Anna's gaze was steady although her hands were not, and the Scot supported the glass until Anna got it emptied.

"Dammit, lass, I simply want you to make your decision when you are in better form, and especially, when you are not so emotionally torn as you are now. After all you've been through the last couple of months, the last thing you need is any damned extra worry! Och, bloody hell, I shouldn't have said a word about it to begin with..." He looked exasperated.

"If you hadn't said a word, Sir, I would have worried still, seeing those two the way they were last night. Would have worried without having a clue what I could _do_ about it. That would have been hell of a lot worse, Sir." She looked at her hands and tried to force them settle.

"Anna, wait a few months at least so that you know what you want from your life, and if you still want to work for us, then I happily have you in an instant. I arrange you the permission to stay here anyway, it is no problem because the crown is bound to pay for your treatment and rehabilitation as it is. And when you are _considerably_ better you decide. All right?"

But the Scot only saw the pale young woman shake her head. "I'm not pretending I like the idea myself either. But things are as they are. Those two are overburdened. Yes, and I know they are not the only ones. And I also know it can kill them one day!"

Controller was getting angry and pointed at her shaking hands. "Och don't be daft, lass! That's a result of us forgetting one snack. _One damned snack!_ Do you really think I would let you delve into some project when you still have to struggle _that_ hard simply to survive? I appreciate your will to help but listen to sense now and don't be stubborn!"

Her eyes were flaming too. "And I appreciate your concern, but those two and you are half of the people in this world that I have left to love, goddammit!"

They both were so angry that they missed the slip of her tongue, and the Scot slammed the table with his palm. "Och and you think it's only a one-way road? Do you think that I want to risk you? That _they_ would want to risk you even if they knew?"

"Knew what, Sir?"

The two had completely forgotten that the agents were actually present and both cursed under their breaths.

"I'm sorry we disturb, Sir, but we simply kind of couldn't help hearing. You were not exactly whispering." Bodie looked embarrassed and rubbed his temple. "Somehow this sounded like it has something with us to do. And what is the project you talked about?"

Mr Cowley stood up and went to fetch the turkey, and then more juice for Anna, and a bottle of wine. "Sit down now, lads. And start filling your plates. Doyle, you can help yourself to those pies Gertie has made. And Anna, you calm down and finish that juice now. You should start feeling better pretty soon. Bodie, would you mind taking care of her plate too? Filling, not emptying." He needed a moment to calm himself down. Then he, in few sentences told them about Macklin's suggestion, and how seeing the lads hurt and tired had made Anna lean towards it. But how realising the fragility of Anna's health had caused him second thoughts. "That's what we were talking about. I want Anna to wait for a few months longer, but it seems she wants to be silly and try to take one worry more for herself, although skipping one snack already made her almost crash down."

Again Anna's eyes flared. "I may be stubborn but I'm not being silly or stupid!" She forced herself to calm down. "I do know there's not very much I can do physically right now. Maybe only one hour a day at the range, and I'm going to need physio myself, to even be able to aim properly. I am confident I could manage with Jackson though, as she got the hang of it and we got to speak the same language last time. What comes to the rest, at least I can bloody hell sit down to talk with Macklin and give some time and thought to whatever ideas he has in his mind. I can do that before I leave for Mexico as I'm not yet allowed to fly anyway."

The agents were looking at each other with thoughtful faces before Doyle opened his mouth. "What you did with Jackson was really impressive, and we do need people desperately. But not for any price. The chief is right, Anna. You are acting more with your heart than with your head now and I for one don't want to risk you. I know all too well what it is to try to recuperate after injuries."

Anna pointed at him with her fork. "And the latest recuperation both you and Bodie used for studies, you told me that yourself. So what's the bloody difference? That you're a male?"

Ray pointed back. "That I had hurt my back and Bodie his shoulder, not half of our insides, that's the bloody difference! Literally _bloody_, don't you know that you were on the table for six hours your _first_ operation only? And we had to wait for a fucking 12 hours before we even got to hear you might actually survive the damned next 12?"

Bodie interrupted his short-tempered mate hastily. "Shut up, Ray. That's enough of that. Anna, I also agree with the boss. Don't worry about us."

The Scot nodded, content. "See? Do at least listen to Bodie, lass. Don't think about us, think about yourself."

Anna was shaking her head, desperate. "You're missing my point here, all of you. That's exactly what I am doing, this is purely egoistic from my side. I can't make you change your duties. I can't make you quit. I don't want to try to make anything else out of you that what or who you are. Even if I wanted, I couldn't. But if I can do at least something, which in a few months' run would help to get _some_ burden off your backs, then I am willing to do that. That would feel... worth something. To be able to even _try_ to make some sort of difference and not only watch the dices somebody else has thrown. I've got enough of that already. Dammit, to know you at least get to sleep pretty much the normal hours would make me worry a lot less, because what happened last night, happened only because you were too tired. And don't try to give me any bullshit about it. I've lived with and amongst soldiers all my life." She sighed. "I don't want to lose you. Any one of you. _That_ would be too much to me." The men fell silent.

Finally Mr Cowley sighed. "Och, bloody hell. Will you listen to Stephen then, if I ask for his opinion? If he says it's all right, I will reconsider."

Anna hesitated for a while. "All right, I promise. But only if you promise that he really hears _both_ sides."

"I can promise that." Then the Scot let his commanding gaze go around the table. "And from this moment on, anyone who raises his or her voice, or says something mean, foul, or just generally dirty'ish, will have the honour of doing all the dishes and will miss his or her gift. Plus will be banned from Joe's and Gertie's place for the next year. And Anna, stop pouting at the lads. They care about you."

Anna chewed at her lip. "I'm sorry, Ray. Truce?"

Ray nodded. "Truce." Soon he grinned. "Just crossed my mind that it was a very good thing the Home Secretary didn't hear your... discussion, Sir."

Bodie tried to control his face as best as he could. "Yeah, I agree. If he had, he'd start talking something about trees and apples and so forth. Like father, like son. That kind of things. Sorry, in this case daughter."

Ray chuckled. "And nothing could make him change his mind ever after!"

Both agents were laughing out loud now. Anna and the Scot exchanged a look. "Sir, do you have any idea what these two insolent hecklers are talking about?" Corner of the Controller's mouth started to twitch and soon Anna was again holding her hurting side, in vain trying to suppress her giggling.

* * *

><p>"You talked about returning to Mexico". Bodie had hopped with Anna to sit in the garden when she had said she needed fresh air after the dinner, which had continued in a friendly atmosphere.<p>

"Well yeah. I had originally meant to stay here for a couple of weeks only, but... you know. Was delayed."

Bodie sighed. He definitely knew. "When will you leave?"

"It depends on when the doctors think it's safe for my lung to fly. My patience doesn't survive days in a boat. And on when you lot decide to release me from house arrest."

Bodie decided to ignore that last remark. "How long will you stay there?"

She shrugged. "No idea."

Bodie felt his heart sinking and was still wondering whether he would dare to ask, when the question already was aired. "Are you going to return here then?"

Anna already opened her mouth to snap at him, but then thought that maybe he didn't know what she had talked with the Controller the night before. "It depends. But I won't return here to be idle, that's for sure. There's no sense in it."

They sat in silence for a while. It was early dusk, and the lights started to be more clearly visible. "Sorry about Ray." That wasn't anywhere near to what Bodie wanted to say, not with the mistletoe he had managed to hang on a branch above them without Anna noticing. But he simply couldn't voice the things he wanted, needed to ask. "He was... we were... worried, you know."

She gave him a glance. "Mr Cowley and Gui told me yesterday you had arranged guard for me. Thank you. I'm glad you didn't need to have it for a longer time. I hope it was unnecessary."

Bodie didn't know what to say. It had been close he hadn't hit in the teeth of that MI5 – now ex MI5 – whom Gui's guy had handed over to him after the bastard had tried to tell the guards to leave their place. Miserable sorry bugger hadn't guessed they could be other than CI5 men, and he had realised his mistake in a moment and tried to retreat, but the guards had stopped the man and held him until Bodie got there, good men, those Latinos. But there was no need to burden Anna with that.

"Well yeah, we managed to get a grip on things pretty quickly. I don't know if anyone has told you, but Betty managed to recognize the shooter from your tip and we caught him in a couple of hours after that." She frowned. "You know, after she heard what you had written."

The frown deepened. "I don't remember writing anything."

Bodie frowned for a moment he too. "Ok, never mind then. The main thing is that we caught the shooter. And his boss, and a couple of other... baddies." He almost slipped "dirty agents" but managed to swallow that. No need to burden Anna with that either.

"You cold?" Bodie saw Anna shivering inside her coat.

"A little." Her smile was vague. "Have lost my natural protective layers somewhere along the way." Normally Bodie wouldn't have hesitated. He would have given his flashy grin, and started to talk about warming up, and would have tested _how_ warm he could have made a female companion. But Anna, chrissake... he couldn't. Not even this time, he couldn't. So he simply gave her a cuddle, and suggested they would go in again. And he managed to get on his feet and snatch the mistletoe again without Anna noticing.

Inside the house, both Doyle and mr Cowley had been watching. "Well that was a first." Ray was shaking his curly head.

"Now I have seen everything. Bodie shy with a woman!" his chief was astonished. And both thought the same thing they didn't dare to put in words. _He is in love. _

Anna excused herself for a moment and left the men wait for the coffee the agents had asked for. When she was out of hearing range Ray couldn't help quipping. "Saw you, Bodie. You chickened out!" He punched his mate who looked sheepish.

"Cut it out, Doyle. She seemed so... fragile. And if she leaves... well why mess things up."

Ray was perplexed. He couldn't remember when, or if ever, his mate had been so conscious about a woman without trying to either court or simply seduce her. "Oh well, leave it to me. Uncle Ray shows you how to do it with style." He demanded the mistletoe and managed to hang it on a lamp just before Anna returned. The old Scot followed the developments with great interest. He had for a long time been intrigued by the relationships these two regular Valentinos had with this lady.

In a matter of only a minute, Ray had managed to steer Anna right under the mistletoe. But, the moment he simply should have put his arms around her and given the kiss, Anna asked something from him to which he replied, and then he just watched her face for a moment and gave her a cautious hug. "Try to not have hard feelings on me, eh?" And Bodie's sneering eyes clearly mocked him.

* * *

><p>Pastries, candies and fruitcake had suffered heavy casualties during the coffee and the opening of presents. Ray and Bodie had been more than happy to receive hand-painted high-quality helmets and motorcycling gloves meant for winter use, Anna had ordered the helmets – the one with a painted dragon for Ray and the one with a panther's head for Bodie, with the surnames of the lads - already some months ago, and hearing about that, Mr Cowley had bought the gloves. Both men had been very happy indeed, as was Mr Cowley, who had received from Anna a fine book of Japanese poetry accompanied by paintings and drawings, and from the two agents, a hand-made holster for his personal gun with his initials branded to it. And the lads had been relieved to know they would finally have the chance to call it a day, go back to city, have a drink, and sleep just as long into tomorrow as they would need and want.<p>

The agents had left a good hour ago and Anna was looking wide-eyed at beautiful panoramic pictures of Scottish landscapes from the book she had received from her host, a huge box of finest delicious Belgian chocolate from Bodie opened beside her on the sofa. A small framed drawing Doyle had once sketched of her riding Doyle's favourite steed, was already carefully and lovingly tucked inside her bag so that she would have no chance of forgetting or breaking it. Suddenly both the chocolate-box and the book vanished and a plate was placed on her lap, harbouring a sandwich with a thick slice of turkey on it, and a peeled orange. "Despite all the undoubtedly wonderful qualities of chocolate, I don't think it qualifies for Stephen as a kind of _healthy_ snack he ordered you to have. He's a bit old-fashioned, you know. Anyway, you've been on water and juice today, so we add to that now." Mr Cowley took a bottle of sherry from under his arm and poured from it into two glasses. "And uckily Stephen is old-fashioned enough to accept the medical qualities of a little drink."

Anna smiled. "You men always have convenient excuses for everything."

The Controller raised his eyebrow jokingly. "And you women don't, hm?"

Anna tilted her head. "Deuce, maybe?" The Controller nodded smiling and sat beside her.

"You really are pampering me, Sir. Jack would certainly say I should change my name into Molly Coddle if he knew about this."

The Scot chuckled. "Och, don't worry. I'd appreciate if you kept this to yourself, but it is actually nice to have someone to pamper for a change. It's quite a rare occurrence to me, so to speak. And besides, I do know you are not some spoiled rotten... wanton, so I don't mind at all, your company gives me something to think about these holidays, and to occupy myself with." He leaned back looking very relaxed with a glass in his hand. "Anything nice in that book?"

Anna swallowed a chunk and took her glass. "_A votre santé_, Sir. The landscapes are absolutely magnificent! I'm showing my ignorance here but actually I didn't have much of a picture about the nature of Scotland, with a real winter and everything! Those photos are really astonishing. Do you have family left up there?"

The Scot nodded. "Some, but we are not that much in contact. Ones I've never been that close to."

Anna winked an eye. "Any old girlfriends or flames there?" He shook his head, yet smiling. "How can that be? You've certainly been a bonny lad and a true heart-throb."

He chuckled. "Och, didn't have much sense about lasses as a thin and skinny lad before the war, and then didn't have the time. And after the war, when we finally got home, I actually returned to service after my leg got good enough and I had finished my studies, and I stayed here in the south and married my job. Or jobs, eventually."

Anna nodded. "Oh, I understand." And the old Scot had the rare feeling that she actually _did_ understand. And not only that, but also did _accept_. "But what a terrible waste of fabulous genes, I'd say. It's a terrible pity if there are no sons or daughters of yours, even if they had some other name."

Mr Cowley looked at Anna astounded, and then gave a laugh. "You... well you lass are really a piece of art, as Doyle would say. I have had a notion that you can be quite a man-hater at times and then you go and say something like that."

Anna swallowed the last piece of bread and licked the crumbs from the corners of her mouth before taking another swallow of sherry. "Yes it's very easy for me still to dislike men and slap them if only given any legitimate opportunity, especially if they are arrogant chauvinistic arse... idiots. But I wish I'm not too much on my high horse, or not a damned prune. For as long nobody's hurt, things are all right." She offered the orange for her companion and he took a couple of slices.

Mr Cowley couldn't help smiling. "Actually, Bodie and Doyle, especially Bodie, are often said to be exactly that, arrogant and chauvinistic. Still you like them?"

Anna looked at him thoughtfully. "They can be irritating in their comments on so called birds sometimes, and they seem to be going through the local female population on an astonishing rate, but they have all the time been... well, correct, with me. They can be protective, but not too differently from the way they are protective over each other, so that hasn't bothered me. And of course I've got my share of blonde-jokes, but as they have likewise accepted my joking, I haven't been much bothered by that either. They probably think about me as some kind of extra younger sister, or something."

_Och, one of them has also other than brotherly feelings about you, lass._ "Haven't you ever thought of dating one of them? They are quite good-looking, and you like them already and spend a lot of time with them when you are here. Why not dating for example Bodie?"

All of a sudden Anna's gaze was wary, even suspicious. "I've never got an impression Bodie has any interest in dating me. And he usually seems to have no problems whatsoever in letting women know if he does. So I've left him his space. And to be honest, Sir, your question reached pretty close to the limits of good taste and confidentiality." Mr Cowley raised his hand instantly.

"Aye, I apologize. I really do. It's just that I have for a long time wondered about your relationship with these two lads. Especially when it comes to Bodie. I am most happy he has found a woman to whom he shows the best qualities of himself as a friend. The same goes with Doyle, although the biggest change from their usual behaviour I've seen in Bodie. I don't want to be a nosy old bore, but the two have worked for me several years now, and... well, you are quite a special case amongst their women."

There was a dangerous glint in Anna's eyes. "So do I belong to _their women_?" Och, thin ice here...

"Maybe my choice of words was not the best one. But anyway, I could make an educated guess that if you ever started going out here with someone else than either one of these two, that man should better be quite extraordinary and clean as the whistle, as most probably he'd be ran through a full background check by the lads. And God have mercy on the man if there was be any inclination of... indecent intentions," _ach, Bodie would have hard time swallowing any kind of intentions,_ "or problems or trouble for you. And if the lads wouldn't run that background check, I would."

Anna gasped. "Well don't you have the nerve!"

The Controller tilted his head and his gaze was unfaltering and humorous. "Och, we do, don't doubt that. Sorry, lass. But it would be only to quickly get rid of miscreants, no-goods and fortune hunters. Only the best would be good enough for you. In our opinion."

Anna was mute for a while before she found her tongue again. "Frankly, Sir, I have no idea whether I should say thank you, or scream."

The phone rang suddenly, startling her from her indecision. "Cowley. Err... who is it? Who? Och, well hello, and Merry Christmas to you too... She is here, yes. Of course, of course! Aye, I do have a speaker-_thingie_. Just a moment..." Mr Cowley looked higly amused and was chuckling when he moved the telephone on the table in front of the sofa, and pressed the speaker button.

Instantly the room was filled with children's voices. "- told you _**I**_ can call _any_ country!"

"But _**I **_got you the number so don't be a _dummy_!"

Anna felt tears in her eyes. "Nicky, Tina, is that you?"

The screams of delight would probably have carried over the Atlantic even without the telephone. "_Tia_ Anna! Is that you? Are you all right now? Are you still sick? Did you get Christmas presents? Did you see Santa Claus? Did he come through the chimney?" The chattering twins bombarded their aunt, never giving her an actual chance to answer any of their questions, finally pondering with great enthusiasm whether there was a chimney in the English house their aunt was staying in; but they finally came to conclusion every English house must have a chimney because otherwise English children would not get their presents and would be too sad and become naughty. And Anna and Mr Cowley were trying to suppress their chuckles, the Scot wondering if his quiet companion had sometimes been as the two chatterboxes on the line.

"_Tia_, are you there? Why don't you talk to us?" Tina finally got worried.

"I'm here, yes. But you talked so much all the time, that I didn't get a word in between."

That made the children scold each other for a while until they agreed to talk only one at the time. There were whispered negotiations for a moment and then Anna got to talk with her niece and answer some of her questions, and also got to hear the list of presents she had got now, but _Mama_ had told her they should wait until _epifanía _for the rest and that was so _stupid_.

Then it was Nicky's turn, and he quickly recited his list of gifts after moaning about epiphany he too. "_Mama_ and Daddy said you get your presents when you come here, _Tia_. Santa must have forgotten to take all in England. When do you come? Can you come next week? Will you stay with us for a long time?"

Again Anna felt tears in her eyes. "Oh pet, I'm not sure when I can come and how long I stay. I'm still a bit ill and doctors say flying in the plane can make me sicker. I let your Daddy know when I come, all right?"

"What's going on here?" A male voice came through. "Your mother waits for you already. Get going now so you won't be late from the Mass. Who are you talking to anyway?" The voice came closer.

"With _Tia_, Daddy. Tina took the number and I called and Mister Cow has a speaker-thingie in his phone and _Tia_ had got presents and is still a bit sick and she didn't see Santa Claus but had seen Mister Morris dance and got lots of chocolate", a somewhat nervous little boy debriefed his father about the essential in one breath. "We go now but let us say _Feliz Navidad_ to _Tia_, please?" And the two culprits screamed their Navidads to the phone and vanished before their stunned father had the time to say anything else.

"Sis, Mr Cowley, are you really there?" Smiling they admitted they were. "Are you still having dinner? Oh good, Ray mentioned they would come there today so I thought to call tomorrow. But good grief those kids! Any need for kindergarten informants, Sir? I could pack those two in a big box and throw some bananas in for the journey..."

They had good-humoured chat until Anna's brother noticed he should be off soon and asked if he could have a word with Mr Cowley in private before leaving. Anna shrugged, wished her brother and his family Merry Christmas, said she'd go and have a little fresh air in the garden, and headed towards the coat rack.

"Good Lord, how happy I was to hear her voice again, Sir. Ray filled me in a little about the latest when I talked with him the other day. He also mentioned something about a doctor friend of yours seeing Anna daily?" Mr Cowley admitted it was so and openly briefed Jack about Anna's condition. Jack cursed, and then sounded hesitant when he asked how his sister was doing mentally, and hearing about it, he sighed. "Oh Christ, I guessed it was really bad when I was told she had refused visitors and even phone-calls. I can't even begin to tell how grateful I am you have been taking care of her, Sir. And it sounds like she might have passed the very worst now. Anyway, I'll try and talk with her some day. I just wish there was something she could occupy herself with, to give her mind distraction." Mr Cowley hesitated for a moment, but then briefly told the Colonel about Macklin's suggestion, and Anna's reaction to it.

The officer surprised him. "Sir, let her start with the project as soon as she only wants! Yes I know she is very poorly, but nevertheless I'm absolutely certain that she would be of help to your trainer, and to you. And I'm positive that if you give in to her in this one, she'll prove hell of a lot easier to handle in just about everything else for some time." The Controller tried to get a word between, but the man talked over him, hastily, almost desperately. "Besides, Sir, you can blackmail her into promising that when there's nobody to look after her, she'll follow to the letter the medical instructions the doctor gives, he sounds a no-nonsense man. And, she will be genuinely interested in taking better care of herself, if she has something to strive to. I know her, Sir. She copes best when she has responsibilities. She cares about this matter, and she's smart, so she would use that smartness to your benefit and co-operate."

Mr Cowley sighed. "It's a question of her _health_, Colonel. For goodness' sake, because of me she only barely escaped death, I couldn't bear to think something would happen to her now."

Jack was persistent. "Believe me, I wouldn't say this unless I believed I'm right here. It would help her heal better than _anything_ else. It would make her _want_ to heal. I know that stubborn devil, Sir, know her better than anyone of you. Let her give it a try, with strict rules if need be, and you can always call the whole thing off if it starts to look bad. Just _**please**_, tell her you give her that chance."

That _please_ was still ringing in his head when the Scot stepped outside. He stood on top of the stairs for a while, watching Anna who sat in near darkness on the bench.

He finally approached her. "I guess that was the other half of those who you... care of, am I right?"

Anna nodded. "I love those two brats to pieces. And Jack is... Jack. We fight and picker all the time but I guess we would murder for each other." She was quiet for a while. "He has a wonderful family."

_Ach, now I understand the desperation in his plea. Helplessness. Guilt for his own happiness. _The Controller felt sudden compassion towards Anna's brother. But Anna didn't sound bitter or envious. It had been merely an observation. "Aren't you interested to know what we were talking about?"

She shrugged. "That's not too hard to guess. And I don't mind. I understand."

He touched her shoulder. "You must talk with him."

She nodded. "I know. But not now... I just can't do it now."

He took her upper arm and pulled her gently on her feet. "Aye... but now you can and will come in. There's still a drop in your glass. And there's hot water in the bathtub, I thought that you might like a decent bath for a change, it should be all right now..."

* * *

><p><em>The bath had been pure bliss, sweet heat all around her. Drowsiness stayed with her for a while, and to have again a living fire flickering in the fireplace in front of her, and candles on tables and windows, she felt a strange kind of safe, secure homeliness. The pain was there, it had gone nowhere, and the sorrow, but she thought that if there ever was a good place to hurt, it would be something like this. <em>

_Mozart was playing in the background, and her host had relaxedly lifted his feet on the table, and was leisurely leafing through the book of poems wearing his glasses; he had chosen to completely ignore the world around him, standard lamp behind his shoulder. She watched him discreetly, knowing perfectly well that this medium built man only a couple of years away from retirement, with his thick dark-rimmed glasses and thinning fair hair, still was in praxis one of the most dangerous man on these isles. Devious, hard, ruthless. Hated by many, feared by even more. Capable of killing without blinking an eye. Quick-tempered and harsh. Hardboiled chief of a stern organization. She knew she could hate that man. She knew, that according to many, she **should** hate him, loath, blame. Or at the very least, be totally indifferent. Ignore. An old man who had made enemies that had almost got her killed. Who overworked his agents. Gave them despicable assignments. Hired men that hardly could be called completely normal. _

_Who had deliberately dragged her out of that blessed numbness and ripped her open, leaving her whimpering of agony she had so hard tried to make cease. _

_All that was true._

_And just as true was this man savouring the finesses of Asian art amidst the glittering brook that was Mozart. Man who had jeopardized his reputation and probably broken the most valuable ones of his personal strict rules simply by accepting her under his roof. The most valuable of those rules probably being "Never get involved." Who had taken care of her. Comforted her. Touched her. Confided in her. _

_She didn't feel pride about it. Or pleasure. Or joy. What she felt was something more complex and perplexing, and deep. _

_She finally finished her drink and quietly let the glass on the table. Blue eyes followed her when she moved closer on the sofa, huddled against his side and shoulder, and took his hand between hers. "I wouldn't mind natural curls." It took a moment before he caught what she was referring to, and squeezed her hand, smiling._

_They leafed through the rest of the book in silence. There was no need for words._

_END OF CHAPTER 4_


	6. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

A few months later:

"Right, Captain, that should do." Sweating Anna was still grimacing, and breathing heavily. She wiped her dirty brow into her sleeve once she got the shoulder plastered and bandaged. "Only a flesh-wound, so a few good stitches asap, some days rest and then careful use, and in a few weeks you're as good as new. You know the drill."

"Thank you, comrade Ashton. Are you unharmed yourself? You look pale."

She gave a quick smile. "Don't worry Captain, it's only that I'm not in my full form. But you were, and thank goodness for that. You did extremely well." She patted the other shoulder of the officer and gingerly heaved herself on her feet and saw the two other Soviet delegates approach. Her face darkened. "And you, _tovaritsh,_" her finger pointed at Belkin, "next time when a security-man of that quality tells you to get down, you _GET DOWN!_" She turned away muttering "Waste of good craftsmen, to use them on blockheads..." The first ambulance arrived at the yard and Anna went out to meet it, missing the whole variety of faces tried to be kept in check.

"Controller, you'd better keep also that woman _in_ _control_." Hissing Ralston came to life beside the Scot.

"Och, really?" He turned and spoke very quietly. "Funny enough, I found her today a lot more useful than your bloody idiot who either had forgotten to check the blueprints or then had not understood what was drawn there. If it wasn't for her, and for the young Russian, we'd all be pickering outside the pearly gates about who takes the longest fall, courtesy of the ever correct MI6." He went out, leaving Ralston stare after him.

Grim-looking Major Smirnov approached him right after he stepped out of the front door. "Controller, it is my duty to inform you that _tovaritsh_ Belkin protests for the disrespectful and insolent behaviour we just witnessed." He sighed. "And please let me compliment you for such effective and skillful staff." There was a slight smile on the KGB-officer's face. "_Kaka'a zhenshina_..."

The Controller smiled too and replied to the major's salute. _What a woman_. Aye. His gaze searched for Anna and he caught her sitting on a bumper of an ambulance, following the commotion around her and checking and re-loading her gun, bathing in the last rays of the evening sun in her smudged clothes, her golden pony-tail fluttering in the wind. A picture of serene confidence and tired ease, only a moment ago a snarling panther crouched between them and the enemy, ready to fight. And oh lord the way she had fought.

He looked at her with a mixture of pride and pain. As if she felt being watched she looked up, searching for his gaze, and once she found it, tilting her head in her familiar questioning way, without grudge, without irritation over the events of the day before the meeting. And without disdain. Simply wanting to know if things were all right again, if she could return to be only a civilian, a trainer, and giving him a tired smile once he nodded at her.

_That's my bairn. That's my bonnie bairn._

_THE END ?_


End file.
